CAMPAIGN DIARY: I’M ONLY A PUNTER BUT ..

Everybody’s got this Big Lewinski thing completely wrong. It’s not a moral issue at all. Goddammit, Bill Clinton is the President of the United States.

Everybody’s got this Big Lewinski thing completely wrong. It’s not

a moral issue at all. Goddammit, Bill Clinton is the President of the

United States.



Who cares if his cigars give off an unusual aroma? This is the most

powerful man in the world we’re talking about. He should be able to

place the Presidential penis wherever the hell he likes.



A stream of models and film stars should be summoned to the White House

lurve den every evening without fail. After all, the last thing the

world needs is a sexually frustrated man with his hand on a big red

button.



No, the really offensive issue here is one of gross unforgivable

incompetence.



This is a man who has, at his disposal, the world’s most deceptive,

covert agencies. The FBI. The CIA. US Military Intelligence. Mulder and

Scully themselves, for all we know. And he can’t even get away with a

bit of hide the sausage - some-thing millions of ordinary men manage on

a daily basis without putting their jobs at risk and having it plastered

across the world’s newspapers. Clinton was foolish to get caught.



No, the question I want answered is, is this bumbling incompetent really

the man we want leading the world? Enough already, cry the voters. We

want a man who can jump from a stealth bomber over Baghdad, parachute

unnoticed into Saddam’s private residence, sneak into his harem and have

it off with all his concubines without anyone being any the wiser.



Face it, Bill. You’ve launched your last Presidential love missile,

mate.



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