CAMPAIGN DIARY: I’M ONLY A PUNTER BUT ...

I’m in shock. I nearly murdered someone on the Underground today and I feel no remorse. I know London Underground has had a difficult time, what with privatisation and fittings for new uniforms, but it is having a laugh now.

I’m in shock. I nearly murdered someone on the Underground today

and I feel no remorse. I know London Underground has had a difficult

time, what with privatisation and fittings for new uniforms, but it is

having a laugh now.



I seem to spend every Monday morning standing outside the entrance to

the Underground while an officious-looking station attendant, complete

with ridiculous Philip Treacy-designed hat, stops commuters entering

while an alarm signal whines overhead and flashes ’Do Not Enter’.



I find it hard to believe that Chernobyl was better protected. Three

hundred commuters could easily overpower a humble station attendant, but

why are we so polite about it? I could understand if the warning sign

was stopping us from plunging into a forest fire or stumbling into an

earthquake situation, but it’s only trying to prevent a few people from

clogging up the escalator on the Victoria Line.



When you do get near to your platform, you have to negotiate your way

past commuters with the navigational skills of lemmings.



And it happens on every Tube line. I know London is a big tourist spot,

but can’t we find a way of stopping them using public transport? When

we’re putting together our tourism advertising, we should be saying:

’Don’t come to London, it’s too expensive as you’re not allowed to use

the Tube’ or ’Come to London, but just stay in your hotel.’



It’s not that I’m xenophobic. It’s just that, well, I don’t honestly

believe I behave like London tourists do when I’m in a different

country.



I get out of the way of people going to work. If I’m not sure where I’m

going, I don’t ask people who are listening to Walkmans. And I try my

utmost to avoid smacking people in the face with my rucksack. If only

tourists here gave us the same consideration.



But London Underground has got a lot to answer for. Instead of spending

so much money on designing poncey outfits and building extensions to the

Central Line, they should be ensuring people don’t have to wait ten

minutes to get from Hyde Park Corner to Green Park. If they made the

Tube system enjoyable for those who have to use it, then they can let

those who want to use it do so



Topics

Become a member of Campaign from just £46 a quarter

Get the very latest news and insight from Campaign with unrestricted access to campaignlive.co.uk plus get exclusive discounts to Campaign events

Looking for a new job?

Get the latest creative jobs in advertising, media, marketing and digital delivered directly to your inbox each day.

Create an Alert Now

Partner content

Share

1 Job description: Digital marketing executive

Digital marketing executives oversee the online marketing strategy for their organisation. They plan and execute digital (including email) marketing campaigns and design, maintain and supply content for the organisation's website(s).