If I have to sit through another design group presenting their ’view of the brand’, I will scream and scream until I’m sick.

If I have to sit through another design group presenting their

’view of the brand’, I will scream and scream until I’m sick.

The meeting goes like this. First, the Ally McBeal-lookalike account

handler takes us through everything the design gurus have done for the

brand to date. Which is bugger all. They have ’conducted a brand audit’

a.k.a. told the client what they already knew ... made all the leaflets

look the same ... and sent in a Godzilla-sized invoice.

But you can see why the clients pay up. After all, the account handler

can spout a stream of words like ’holistic’ and keep a straight



Next up is the designer - looking like every other designer you’ve ever

bumped into at D&AD exhibitions peering at logos. He (always he)

proceeds to lecture you on the future of the brand.

This is where the fun really starts. Because left in the hands of

designers, the future of all brands is identical.

’Fresh’, ’open’ and ’modern’ are the brand values. All the type is sans

serif, and preferably all lower case, and naturally too small for my mum

to read. The main colour is blue. But, hey, there is a ’palette of

secondary colours’. (Great!) And photography is ’real, not posed’. And,

er ... that’s it.

You think I exaggerate. Designers, bless ’em, don’t talk about copy

much, because they can’t read.

They never mention advertising, because it scares the shit out of


Any ideas? Who needs an idea when you have ’a subtly re-drawn, dynamic,

contemporized logo’?

It’s not the arrogance or the incompetence of these people that pisses

me off. Really. It’s the fact that they take themselves and their

bullshit so damn seriously. Three hours in a smile-free zone. I just

can’t wait for the next one.


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1 Job description: Digital marketing executive

Digital marketing executives oversee the online marketing strategy for their organisation. They plan and execute digital (including email) marketing campaigns and design, maintain and supply content for the organisation's website(s).