Name: Robert Campbell
Job: Creative director, United London
Professional mission: Save the world from toxic advertising
Personal mantra: Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke
6.30am Billy Jai, my one-year-old son, wakes with a bloodcurdling cry. There's nothing wrong. He just does it for fun. Sometimes I get up and change his nappy, which I genuinely enjoy. Sometimes I feign sleep and let my partner, Gurmit, do it.
8.30am I jump on my Harley Davidson and head for work. People say I'm a sad middle-aged wanker for riding a Harley. True, but it makes a terrifying noise. It's beautiful. It goes like stink.
9.00am Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday we have a two-hour meeting called "progress". It's intended to get the agency creating really good ideas, really quickly.
11.00am Stagger out of "progress", exhausted. Covered in sweat, spittle and blood. Muck around for a bit looking for monkey bikes and houses to buy in Ibiza on the internet. The older I get, the more daft I become.
11.30am I prowl the agency, sniffing out problems, opportunities and people.
1.00pm A sandwich and a bit of carrot cake with Jim Kelly. We either discuss work or cars. It's great to be working with Jim again. We're the odd couple.
2.00pm Generally, we've got a pitch on, so it's probably a pitch meeting next. Either within the agency, or maybe with a prospective client.
4.00pm At tea time I like to pop round the corner to the caff. Maybe with Richard Huntingdon, our head of planning. Or by myself to make phone calls. Things like this are important to me. I have to enjoy my day. If I don't, a bit of me dies.
5.00pm I'm seeing a Chinese doctor round the corner for my sciatica. He's called Dr Health. I kid you not. He gives me acupuncture.
6.00pm I prowl the agency again, then home. I ride in a low gear. The engine screams, roars, and backfires. Joy. I find I have my best ideas on my bike, in "progress", or in the lavatory.
7.00pm Billy Jai is just off to bed. He's another day older. I've missed ten hours of it.
7.30pm Gurmit and I eat, and discuss the day. We watch a DVD. Gurmit is seven months pregnant. More nappies. I can't wait.
10.30pm Except in a professional capacity, I've gotten through another day without seeing a TV ad. How do advertisers reach people like me these days?