Job: Editor, Loaded
You've got five hours left before the world explodes. What do you do? Sit down with my seven-month-old son, Sonny, and say: "Embrace difference. Never be a snob. You can do whatever you set out to do, and don't listen otherwise. Listen to Joe Strummer. Ride fast motorcycles. And always tell your mum you love her." He wouldn't get a ruddy word of it, and it'd be too late anyway, but I'd die happy.
- What's your best joke?
"Hey, did you hear Morrissey has turned into a cannibal? Yeah, he had his Girlfriend In A Korma."
- What's your biggest fear?
Being old and wheezy when my lad is up and running.
- When did you last cry and why?
It took Sonny three minutes to breathe. That was a big one.
- Who is your hero?
Brian Clough. I was a ball boy at Forest in 1983 and he gave me a pound note from his own wallet. Regrettably, I spent it the same day.
- Name one thing about yourself that few people know.
I wore girls' pants the other day, as I couldn't find my own. Just moved house, honest ...
- What's the worst thing about your job?
Having to constantly defend what we stand for. It's only paper and ink.
- What do you see when you look in the mirror?
More grey hairs than last week.
- If you had a trained monkey, what would you make it do?
Tread grapes like a bastard.
- If your office was burning down, what object would you save and why?
The only surviving Cromalin of issue one of Loaded.
- Are you happy?
Does anybody ever say no to this?
- What would you do if you were invisible for the day?
Go to HR and destroy the dirt file.
- What's your most evocative childhood memory?
Extremes of weather. Summer of 76. Proper 70s snow.
- What's your most irritating habit?
Talking loudly over people because I'm the boss and erroneously think I'm funnier than all of them put together when drunk.
- What belief do you hold most strongly?
Better to regret something you have done than something you didn't.
- What's on your iPod most-played list?
Geraldine (Glasvegas); The Way You Wear Your Head (Nada Surf); Sea Within A Sea (The Horrors); Delivery (Babyshambles).
- What do you wear in bed?
The springs. Arf!