Festival de Cannes, 17 – 28 May 2017
The people: You can't throw a rock on the Boulevard de la Croisette without hitting a movie star (don't throw rocks at movie stars, their security doesn't take kindly to it).
The reason: It’s the world's biggest film festival. Deals will be cut, Palmes D'Or will be handed out and – almost invariably – critics will boo one of the contenders.
What to expect: Hollywood’s movers and shakers come together for a week full of the most glamorous dresses you will ever see on a red carpet, lots of Champagne, deal-making and even more time spending in the dark watching films.
What not to expect: Glamorous stars taking a dip in the sea, no matter how warm they’re feeling – they’re here to work, not holiday.
Cannes rating: 4/5 – you might catch a glimpse of George Clooney in the distance, behind the security cordon. If you want to bask in the reflected glory of Hollywood, this is the event to attend.
Yachting Festival, 6 – 11 September
The people: Wealthy types who need to add a(nother) multi-million dollar floating gin palace to their collection.
The reason: A life on the ocean waves.
What to expect: This is not just any boat show – it's the boat show with almost 600 different new yachts to trial before you buy so that you can check which suits you best as the wind ruffles your hair.
What not to expect: Cars. It is unlikely that visitors will be looking for a new set of wheels.
Cannes rating: 2/5 – it all depends if you know the trim from the port tack.
MIPCOM, 17 – 20 October
The people: TV's top execs descend on Cannes looking for the next Game of Thrones (or The Only Way is Essex).
The reason: TV studios and broadcasters are looking to buy and sell programmes, so if you have an idea up your sleeve this is the place to be.
What to expect: we already know that Shonda Rhimes, the brains behind Grey’s Anatomy and Scandal, will be named Personality of the Year. The stars of the small screen will be promoting their new content – but the weather may not be as pleasant as it is in June. Netflix will probably drop a few million on some new shows, prompting wailing and gnashing of teeth from conventional broadcasters.
What not to expect: celebrities sunning themselves, or even enjoying jeroboams of rosé by the sea; last year’s event welcomed the TV industry with flooding.
Cannes rating: 3/5 – it’s not the best time of year for the South of France, but you’ll still get to see what’s new on the telly.
International Luxury Travel Market, 5 – 8 December
The people: Those who know their way around The Maldives and French Polynesia.
The reason: It’s the ultimate festival for business in the luxury travel market.
What to expect: Champagne towers, tasty canapés, lots of dancing, and dinners from chefs who have cooked for Barack Obama. These guys do things in fine style.
What not to expect: Cheese toasties and skinny dipping, it’ll be luxury all the way, darling. Also it's December.
Cannes rating: 3/5 – it’s certainly one for people who like the finer things in life – but probably not as fun as the Lions, what with the winter weather.