Just be like Andrew Mitchell, the managing partner of Mitchell Patterson Grime Mitchell, and settle for the ultimate penis substitute - get yourself an Aston Martin DB 6. Mitchell is a classic car geek, but he would happily swap his lovingly restored Jensen Interceptor, 1966 Ford Mustang and 70s BMW for a Bondmobile.
While his fellow directors couldn't quite manage enough for that in the birthday whip-round, they did get enough to hire one for the day. Mitchell proceeded to swagger round the office - much to the chagrin of his assistant, who couldn't have put up with the Moneypenny jokes for much longer. Luckily, "Bond
decided to roar off to Buckinghamshire with his wife for a slap-up lunch.
Apparently, the man who once ran the Renault account at Publicis is also a dab hand with a greasy spanner, having single-handedly replaced his Jensen's rear suspension. Well, it beats being crushed between Famke Janssen's thighs. Maybe.