Campaign thought readers might like to see an internal WPP Group
memo from Sir Martin Sorrell to Simon Bolton - courtesy of J. Walter
Thompson's in-house magazine, BBQ Sausage. Suggestions include:
£10 entrance fee: effective immediately, as members of staff at
JWT are not required to pay a daily charge for working here. Swipe cards
will be discontinued; staff will swipe in using Switch, Mastercard,
Visa, Amex. This will automatically deduct the fee from the relevant
bank account. Please note the doormen are not exempt. Cash can now be
used at the kiosk (previously reception) where Mel and Sally now carry
change. This will incur a small handling charge for bureaucracy
Recycle briefs: (you may have already thought of this) use the same
brief with minor alterations for every product and account. You could
further streamline by actually using the same piece of paper over and
over, amending when necessary with Tippex.
Electricity: I understand that one of your number is intent on doing the
"fooking triathlon". He will be supplied with an exercise bike linked to
a generator. He can peddle for electricity - since you people feel that
it is such a necessity.
Whistling Sausage: Convince members of staff that a satirical magazine
for venting spleen is a good idea and that contributions will be free
from reprisals. Then, simply sack all those involved.
Oh, and no pay rises. Ever.