DIARY: Festival boils down to just a numbers game

Referencing other people's work is all the rage at the moment, so it's in this spirit that we've decided to bring to you Campaign's very own number-crunching column - a brief statistical account of how this year's Cannes Advertising Festival panned out.

2 The number of votes Honda's seminal "cog" film is supposed to have received. Despite being most people's favourite for the top accolade, the ad lost out to Ikea's "lamp". "Cog" was apparently penalised for being too heavily influenced by a short film from Switzerland. Having seen the standard of much of the original work on display at the festival, it's tempting to wish that every ad were influenced by a short film from Switzerland.

4 The number of gold Lion-winning films that were booed. The jury president, Dan Wieden, told the audience to show their feelings and they certainly took him at his word. One gold winner was so harrowed by the whole experience that she was close to tears as she collected her Lion.

4 The number of times Suki Thompson was thrown in Garry Lace's swimming pool. Suki fell foul of an enormous man bedecked in a see-through pair of Y-fronts, who took it upon himself to get every woman at the villa as wet as he was. Each time she emerged, fully clothed and soaking, Thompson changed into a new set of glad rags. Four outfits later, she regretted this wholeheartedly.

7 The number of awards Wieden & Kennedy won at the film advertising awards for work for its Nike client.

5 The number of minutes Dan Wieden and Phil Knight spent on stage together.

500 The number of minutes it felt like they were on stage together. Knight and Wieden dismayed the audience by indulging in a back-slapping comedy routine not dissimilar to that made famous by the 70s comedians Jimmy Tarbuck and Kenny Lynch. If this were not enough, Knight then "treated" the audience to a video diary of a typical day in his life. It was hilarious. Honest.

600 The number of euros MT Rainey and Jo Pytka spent on a bottle of Dom Perignon at the Carlton Intercontinental Beach Hotel. Did someone mention something about a recession?

- Got a Diary story? E-mail campaign@haynet.com or post it to Diary editor, Campaign, 174 Hammersmith Road, London W6.

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