DIARY: I’m only a punter but...

‘Who do you think? Naomi or Kate? Or maybe that new Polish girl. You know, the one Versace and Donna Karan use. We’ll get Bruce or Herb or Patrick or Guiseppe for the shoot. Check who’s available. But I tell you what, it just has to be Justin on hair. Justin’s hair is so ‘now’. What about copy? No, no copy, just our logo - big, at the bottom of the page. Fantastic. ’

‘Who do you think? Naomi or Kate? Or maybe that new Polish girl. You

know, the one Versace and Donna Karan use. We’ll get Bruce or Herb or

Patrick or Guiseppe for the shoot. Check who’s available. But I tell you

what, it just has to be Justin on hair. Justin’s hair is so ‘now’. What

about copy? No, no copy, just our logo - big, at the bottom of the page.

Fantastic. ’



And so another fashion ad is born. Inane. Pointless. And identical to

all the others that will appear in the same magazine. Same layout, same

photographers, same locations, same models, same poses.



I’ve always imagined playing a game with fashion photographers. Get them

all together with their portfolios, gather all their pictures into one

big pile and then ask them to sort out whose are whose. No hope. Not a

cat’s.



Or get all the fashion marketing directors together to do the same with

their ads, covering up the logos. And watch them stagger about

scratching their heads.



Here’s a scary thought: maybe I’m wrong and these poor deluded souls

really can spot the minute differences. Maybe they really believe that a

wink or a hairstyle is an advertising idea.



Well, if so, they’re wrong. Research group after research group has

proved it. Everyone’s bored by fashion ads, everyone wants a change.

Everyone, that is, except the fashion industry darlings. Up in their

ivory tower, they simply refuse to believe it. Question their attitude

and they explain that fashion is different. It’s not like other

advertising. I agree. Fashion advertising is different. It’s absolute

bollocks.



Fancy a rant? Send your 300 words to Diary Editor, 174 Hammersmith Road,

London W6 7JP



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