DIARY: RANT

Sorry, I can’t connect you to the rant at the moment - I’ve got somebody on the other line. Do you mind holding? (Insert Richard Clayderman playing Greensleeves.) Hello? Oh yes, the rant. I’ll put you through.

Sorry, I can’t connect you to the rant at the moment - I’ve got

somebody on the other line. Do you mind holding? (Insert Richard

Clayderman playing Greensleeves.) Hello? Oh yes, the rant. I’ll put you

through.



At this point, the rest of the page should be blank, because you’re

about to disappear into a black hole from which you’ll never emerge.



Agency receptionists - what are they like? It’s hard enough getting a

media buyer on the phone in the first place, without having to suffer

some teenage wannabe who sounds like Dani Behr with the flu.



As well as being incompetent, some of them are downright frosty. Like

Criterion waiters and people who work in designer clothes shops, too

many agency receptionists have an opinion of themselves that far exceeds

their status.



It’s not so much what they say, but the way they say it. Do their

trainers tell them: ’Whatever you do, girls, don’t let an iota of warmth

creep into your tone’?



Of course, when you’ve tackled the receptionist, you have to get past

your target’s PA. Some of these make receptionists sound like

over-zealous geisha girls. I love the way they vet their boss’s calls.

’Who’s calling?



Well I’m afraid he’s out/on holiday/in a meeting/dead at the moment.’

That’s when I slam the phone down.



I think I need a holiday. Can you hold while I bugger off for a month?



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1 Job description: Digital marketing executive

Digital marketing executives oversee the online marketing strategy for their organisation. They plan and execute digital (including email) marketing campaigns and design, maintain and supply content for the organisation's website(s).