When you’re on commission, time is money - and for that reason I
tend not to skive off work. On Saturday, however, I discovered my loo
had a crack in it. Or rather my neighbour did when I pulled the chain
and some gruesome water began pouring through his ceiling.
I called an emergency plumber, who arrived three hours later. If
plumbers worked for International Rescue, it would have to change its
name to International Too Late Everyone’s Dead.
Anyway, Barry Bodge-up left me a chemical toilet and promised to return
with a new lav between 1pm and 5pm on Tuesday. I arrived home at
At 4.55 I rang his office.
’Oh yeah, mate. He arrived at 1.30 but you weren’t in.’
’Yes I bloody was. Did he ring the buzzer?’
’Yeah - it didn’t work. He left a message on the noticeboard
’Hang on a minute. How did he get in to leave a message?’
’Oh, someone was coming in with their shopping.’
’I see. And he didn’t think to knock on my door in case the intercom
Silence, followed by the sound of me venting my spleen. Barry Bodge-up
finally appeared on time after threats involving my chemical toilet, its
contents and his boss’s desk.
Got something to rant about? Call 020-8267 4718 or e-mail