DIARY: RKCR/Y&R's Hodgkiss thinks his 'old fella' is a beautiful work of art

We've always known art directors' minds work in mysterious ways.

But we defy even Charles Saatchi to explain the grisly goings-on inside the brain of Rainey Kelly Campbell Roalfe/Y&R's Chris Hodgkiss.

When the agency decided it would be a rather good idea to hold an art competition in which everybody was invited to express their personality on canvas, Hodgkiss threw himself with a passion into what was described as a "deliberately loose" brief.

The result? We can barely begin to do it justice. It was certainly a world away from the effort of the agency's chummy joint chief executive Jim Kelly, whose work was based on his trademark specs.

It didn't come close to the gold award winner, Majella Lewis, who replicated her Afro hairstyle in black-topped drawing pins.

Nor did it compare to the canvas covered in muddy footprints, an easy winner of the "What the fuck is that all about?" accolade. And there was no chance of it getting honoured for "the best improper use of office supplies".

We'll spare a detailed description in case you're of a squeamish disposition.

Suffice to say that it's long, bright red and looks like it might make a tasty hors d'oeuvre for Armin Meiwes, Germany's most famous cannibal.

So what provided the creative spark? "I just looked down and decided to show it to the world," the ever-modest Hodgkiss explains. "I'd like to say it was cast from real life but sadly that's not the case."

Even more bizarrely, his tumescent display is now on show with a selection of the competition's other entries in the RKCR/Y&R reception.

This hasn't exactly met with universal approval. Flossie, the receptionist, recently rushed to investigate the cause of an almighty thud to find a couple of female clients in need of smelling salts after Hodgkiss' member had crashed to the floor.

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