DIARY: Walk in the park turns out to be up shit creek without nappy for Sven

You might think that taking the children for a bike ride in the park would be the perfect antidote for a week's hard graft at the office.

However, if Banks Hoggins O'Shea/FCB's managing director Sven Olsen's experiences are anything to go by, it could turn out to be something you need an 18-hour day with an obnoxious client to recover from. Training courses in planning, anger management and how to use a mobile phone would also be a good idea.

It all started so promisingly. A beautiful spring morning. Two munchkins on a bike and the other gurgling happily astride one of those push-along trikes. Then, disaster struck. One wobbly Chopper hurtles out of sight and the other turns into a Tour de France contender on speed, leaving you to contend with the biggest trauma of them all - a nappy full of shit and a triumphant Rosie telling you all about it.

And not just you, either, because, unwittingly, you've pressed a few buttons on your mobile and you're in the process of leaving a fascinating message for one of your account directors to pick up. It reads like a finely crafted Cannes-winning script. To condense it, or fail to share it with the world, would be a crime.

"Rosie? Have you done a poo? Oh Rosie. You've done a poo. (sighs) You didn't say you'd done a poo. Rosie, you've done a poo. I haven't got a spare nappy. Fuck. (quietly panicky) Children. (shouting) We'll have to go home. Rosie's done a poo."


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