’I spent a few summers working in a chip shop at the American
Adventure theme park in Derbyshire. It used to be a landscaped slag heap
called Britannia Park, until the owners ditched the industrial
revolution theme and went American.
’I could have worked on the rides, but the chippy paid 10 pence an hour
more. You wore stars-and-stripes aprons and were supposed to greet the
customers with a ’yee-ha!’, but because most of the staff were Northern,
it was more of a ’yee-ha, me duck’.
’There was an irritating Canadian girl called Bernadette who always
wanted to do the frying, because it meant you didn’t have to serve
Finally, somebody lost it and hit her with a half-frozen haddock covered
in batter. Yes, she was literally battered.’