Private View: Gerry Moira

I've just got back from the International Advertising Festival of Ireland. I'd come off the subs bench to replace Andy Berlin as the chairman of the jury. The Big Fellah, as he's known affectionately from Cork to Killarney, had sustained a rib injury. These things happen. You may not have considered creative judging as a contact sport but let me tell you, the international pro-celebrity circuit is no place for pantyhose. I managed to get out of Kinsale with minor liver damage and two important observations. One, the festival is not in Kinsale and, two, they don't do press. Does anyone do press any more?

I was assured by one of my fellow jurors who now works out of New York that 93 per cent of all press done in that city is in fact the work of illegal immigrants from Mexico. Ruthless gang masters used to smuggle these wretched men over the border at night to strip the asbestos out of old buildings but now the big bucks is in picking up unwanted press briefs. It's a dirty trade but I guess someone's got to fill those newspapers and magazines.

Could it happen here? I don't know. You tell me. How many times does the name "Chavez" appear in the column opposite? The sure thing is that more and more senior teams are turning their noses up at anything that doesn't involve moving pictures.

Somebody therefore must be shipping more than their fair share of print.

The Salty Dog Crisps campaign is the most obviously Hispanic in origin.

The poor, shivering wet-backs barely had time to rip-off a few old Irn-Bru posters before their chains were jerked and they were back on the bus to Tijuana. And, I must confess to hearing the not-too-distant sound of a mariachi band while contemplating the Jordans work. How many times have you seen a picture of rolling countryside/fields of wheat/vineyards/mountain ranges, etc. with the headline "Our factory"? Even if it's just me, the fact is that Jordans has a terrific and timely story to tell but these sweet, but twee, executions are just sugaring the pill.

I think I can smell jalapenos on the breath of the Morgan's Spiced rum campaign but to be fair, los hombres were up against it on this one. There was a time when this fine brand was made by pirates, for pirates. Now, the marketing chappies seem determined to turn this proud brand into a range of scented candles for tarts' bathrooms.

Vanilla? Cinnamon? Garrgh!

Five manages to stay a few bites short of the whole enchilada with the promotion of its new "I-wannabe-a-celebrity-get-me-on-it" show The Farm.

Like most contemporary press ads, these are really posters that you find in your newspaper. Disturbingly, I found the "udders" execution vaguely erotic, something I could never say about saucy sea-side postcards. Perversely, these testaments to our national sniggering ignorance about sex have become the conduit for the new NHS Adult Sexual Health campaign. Britain leads Europe in unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections, but I just can't see these accurate parodies of Donald McGill affecting the mating habits of the Club 18-30 crowd, that's all.

The ease and confidence with which Tesco has appropriated Sainsbury's tone of voice is a measure of how secure it now is as Middle England's grocer of choice. It will take more than this combination of wit and candour to withstand the retail juggernaut that is Wal-Mart but it's good to see this close agency/client partnership on such cracking form. Look children, see what you can do with a retail press brief . Now get writing!

- Gerry Moira has filled his iPod and is a bit bored now.

- An entry form for the Campaign Press Advertising Awards 2005 is available in this issue of Campaign or contact: Bridget Drummond 020 8267 4090 bridget.drummond@haynet.com

FIVE

Project: The Farm

Client: Simon Downing, head of marketing, five

Brief: The countryside bites back

Agency: TBWA\London

Writers: Roderick Fenske, Rob Turner

Art directors: Michael Barker, Nick Hutton

Photographer: Dave Young

Typographer: Chris Ant

Exposure: 96-sheet golden squares, single-page press

TESCO

Project: Every little helps

Client: Ian Crook, planning director, brand communications and trade

Brief: Remind customers of the many reasons why they like shopping at

Tesco

Agency: Lowe

Writers: Sam Cartmell, Jason Lawes

Art directors: Jason Lawes, Sam Cartmell

Photographer: Colin Campbell

Exposure: National press

MORGAN'S SPICED

Project: Morgan's

Client: Kathy Sawtell, senior brand manager, Diageo

Brief: Remind consumers in Scotland of the unique taste of Morgan's

Spiced Agency: Grey London

Writers: Adam Chiappe, Matt Saunby

Art directors: Adam Chiappe, Matt Saunby

Photographer: Paul Zak

Typographer/illustrator: Ian Hamson

Exposure: 48-sheets, six-sheets, bus supersides in Scotland

SALTY DOG CRISPS

Project: Salty Dog Crisps

Client: Dave Willis, brand owner

Brief: Build awareness to support distribution growth

Agency: Barrett Cernis

Writer: Jonathan Eley

Art director: Ray Barrett

Typographer: Ray Barrett

Exposure: National press and posters

JORDANS

Project: Jordans

Client: Paul Weddepohl, marketing director

Brief: n/s

Agency: Vallance Carruthers Coleman Priest

Writers: Kimberley Gill, Mareka Carter

Art directors: Kimberley Gill, Mareka Carter

Photographer: Nadege Meriau

Exposure: National press and posters

NHS

Project: Sex Lottery summer campaign

Clients: Karen Gregory, Chris Neish, senior marketing communications

managers

Brief: Warn young adults of the dangers of unprotected sex during the

summer holiday period

Agency: Delaney Lund Knox Warren & Partners

Writer: Jon Elsom

Art director: Ken Sara

Typographer: Ken Sara Exposure: National press

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