PRIVATE VIEW: Kate Stanners is the creative director at Boymeetsgirl

Before I take up my new post at Boymeetsgirl, I am enjoying my last few weeks of maternity leave, which does seem to involve an unnatural amount of daytime TV. Of course, it is common knowledge that anyone who doesn't work couldn't possibly appreciate a bit of quality TV, which gives Trisha, Philip, Fern and company licence to dish up more poo per hour than my little lad does in a week, and advertisers to send out their very own poor-quality, badly made and written nappy fillers. So it is with ridiculous enthusiasm that I look to this week's Private View selection, to see what you lot have been up to.

I start with two print campaigns, both for small cars. The first is for Ford Fusion, the small car that commands respect. Not a bad idea at all.

Tough black-and-white images of white-van drivers saying: "After you, mate." It's just that it's been done in a way that lacks style or wit, so it feels clumsy and dated.

The second is for the Volkswagen Beetle Cabrio. I should like this - after all, I'm a girl. It is one of those irritating girly campaigns that sells cars on the basis of bright colours and summer frivolity. The executions show Beetles as butterflies, bees and flowers - colourful, but not bright and beautiful enough to make this the classic print campaign this car so deserves.

The TV ad for Crusha, a syrup to add to your milk, features animated, laddy cats playing in a band and singing in a Chas 'n' Dave rub-a-dub-styley way: "I want some Crusha, a glass of Crusha. Tough enough to make milk shake." The endline threatens: "Add milk or we'll Crusha." Oh, scary.

What's more scary is that it sends me back in time to the late 80s, when we sat on the second floor of an office on Dean Street and heard the terrifying tones of our creative director shouting: "A song is not an idea." Although I'm sure that won't bother the little people who it is obviously aimed at.

Anadin has finally been dragged, kicking and screaming, out of the 50s (hoorah), only to find itself in a French Revolution sketch, all black and white and subtitles (boo). As Marie Antoinette is asked to face the guillotine, she says she'll have to give it a miss on account of her headache, at which point her lady-in-waiting helpfully pulls out a pack of Anadin.

Still, it's a step in the right direction - a couple more decades to go and they will be in adland 2003.

Which is slap-bang where Lilt is. It has taken the old Lilt man with a totally tropical taste and given it a makeover. Lil' Lilt ladies strut their tropical flava. Not brilliant, but really nicely done fun.

Finally, the latest Pot Noodle ads carry on (ooh-err, Missus) the dirty campaign. These are all innuendo in a Two-Ronnies-meets-Paul-Whitehouse-sketch kind of a way.

The stablehand Parkes and the lady of the manor get up to all sorts of filth before she announces that she will have to have him shot for "Pot Noodling a lady". Pot Noodle has created some of the very best advertising of the past decade - these latest ones are not classic Pot Noodle.

They are, however, a damn sight better than the depressingly bad life assurance ads that fill the ad breaks that you will never see because you are hard at work creating next year's campaigns. When I return to work, it will be with a mission to improve daytime advertising, because no-one, not even us Valium-soaked, post-natally depressed women, deserves such utter poo.

LILT

Project: Lilt laydeez

Clients: Dave Tucker, marketing manager; Angus Kinnear, senior brand

manager

Brief: Inspire reappraisal of Lilt by repositioning it as the original

fruit crush

Agency: Mother

Writer: Mother

Art director: Mother

Director: Traktor

Production company: Partizan

Exposure: National TV

VOLKSWAGEN

Project: Flowers, bees, sun, rainbow

Client: Catherine Woolfe, communications manager, small cars

Brief: Launch the Beetle Cabrio as a fun car with the spirit of summer

Agency: BMP DDB

Writers: Dylan Harrison, Feargal Ballance, Lovisa Almgren, Ben Wade,

Ewan Paterson and Jeremy Craigen

Art directors: Dylan Harrison, Feargal Ballance, Lovisa Almgren, Ben

Wade, Ewan Paterson and Jeremy Craigen

Typographer: Pete Mould

Illustrator: Ian Bilbey

Exposure: National press and posters

WYETH HEALTHCARE

Project: Anadin Extra

Client: Daniel Gleed, group brand manager

Brief: Put a fresh slant on the existing campaign

Agency: Publicis

Writer: Andy Wakefield

Art director: Andy Wakefield

Director: Dave Tennant

Production company: Annex Films

Exposure: National TV

CRUSHA

Project: Crusha milkshake mix

Client: Clare Roy, senior brand manager

Brief: Reposition Crusha by targeting ten- to 13-year-olds,

communicating strength via engaging teen-oriented media

Agency: Walsh Trott Chick Smith

Writer: Elaine Jones

Art director: Anna Goodyear

Director: Joel Veitch

Production company: Rathergood Productions

Exposure: UK and Ireland national and satellite TV

POT NOODLE

Project: "The Sizzler"

Client: Hilary Strong, brand manager

Brief: Launch Pot Noodle's new bacon flavour, The Sizzler, to generate

awareness and trial

Agency: HHCL/Red Cell

Writers: Lee Tan and Jonathan Thake

Art directors: Lee Tan and Jonathan Thake

Directors: John Birkin, Lee Tan and Jonathan Thake

Production company: Blink

Exposure: National TV

FORD

Project: Ford Fusion

Client: Brendan Lyne, small car brand manager

Brief: Position the Fusion as a small car that commands respect

Agency: Ogilvy & Mather

Writers: Hamish Pringle and Dale Winton

Art directors: Hamish Pringle and Dale Winton

Typographer: Sid Tomkins

Photographer: Seamus Ryan

Exposure: Press and posters