Talk Talk, on the other hand, is classy stuff. Mr Dunstone's latest fixed-line wheeze is a brilliant one: free calls to people in your own network.
The advertising execution is a typical Inge idea, lateral and direct all at once. The guys putting money in their personalised tins while talking is charmingly realised.
The Australian Tourist Commission spot was Francesca Newland's Turkey of the Week in Campaign two weeks ago. Very unfairly so. This spot, like all of them in this campaign, is an evocative travelogue that lifts itself above the norm of the genre by the almost palpable love, care and affection that has gone in to it. This is the kind of work that passes unnoticed in the bars of adland but produces goosepimples among the real people it is aimed at. My advice to the creators is not to lose too much sleep over Ms Newland's playing to the adland in-crowd. I never have and it hasn't stopped my clients and me becoming rich and famous.
Also in this week's pile is a spot for Renault with vaguely diverting footage of people's faces affected by G-forces and then a line about Renault and Formula One or something. Waste of money.
Finally, not least for the careers of all those concerned, is a veritable traffic accident, nay motorway pile-up, of a commercial, in which an ultra-cheesy Vernon Kaye lurks behind a sofa (!?) observing a teenage couple sitting at either end sulkily (possibly eating Doritos, my disturbed mind doesn't quite recall).
The girl confesses to the boy that she has been shagging some Brazilian bloke while on their holiday in Rio. He confesses to her that he has been shagging the bloke's girlfriend. Throughout this contrived, wooden exchange, we cut to Kaye mugging punchably to camera at what we are supposed to think are the outrageous, hilarious revelations on the sofa.
Next, the Brazilian boy and girl, who were the subjects of the discussion, emerge semi-clad, well, out of the sofa. No, really, they emerge out of the sofa in between the sulky couple. By this point, Vernon is having an epi. Which is nothing compared with his excitement when a whole load of other people (part of the Rio carnival, apparently) also begin to emerge out of the sofa. Yes, that's right, out of the sofa. It's Plan Nine From Outer Space meets the "ambassador's party". What any of this has to do with selling crisps is anyone's guess. What any of it has to do with entertainment is an altogether harder question.
AUSTRALIAN TOURIST COMMISSION
Writer: Andy Lish
Art director: Andy Lish
Director: David Denneen
Production company: Filmgraphics Productions
Exposure: Global TV
Project: Doritos Latinos
Client: Jon Goldstone, marketing director
Brief: Launch the range of Latin-inspired flavours and dips
Agency: Abbott Mead Vickers BBDO
Writer: Peter Souter
Art director: Peter Souter
Director: Paul Weiland
Production company: The Paul Weiland Film Company
Exposure: National TV
Project: Talk Talk relaunch
Client: Tristia Clarke, head of marketing
Brief: Relaunch Talk Talk as the people's phone company where all
customers can talk to each other for free
Agency: Clemmow Hornby Inge
Writer: Charles Inge
Art director: Charles Inge
Director: Martin Granger
Production company: Bikini Films
Exposure: National TV
Project: Renault Formula One team "feel it"
Client: Christian Barluet, advertising director
Brief: Raise awareness of Renault in Formula One
Writer: Gavin Kellett
Art director: Nik Studzinski
Director: Andrew Douglas
Production company: Anonymous Content
Exposure: National and international TV
Client: Emma Woods, European marketing director
Agency: Grey London
Writers: Pablo Monzon, Ross Fowler
Art directors: Elvio Sanchez, Nicola Hawes
Typographer: Christian Tunstall
Exposure: Press, six-sheet posters, in-store, internet