After the lads' simpering capitulation on black Friday that'll be enough 'til August. The bad news is that this week's squad is short on class.
It's all a bit Danny Mills.
The latest Guinness commercial has a filmic ambition but lacks an idea. When a volcano erupts somewhere quaint in Europe, a local hero saves the Guinness and the day by walking over hot coals to get to the barrels. Quixotically he takes his shoes and socks off first. Mind over matter? Nah, it's insanity gone mad. Never mind, soon the men get down to some serious drinking, only to be interrupted by the womenfolk, whose grotesque ugliness is way more frightening than boiling lava. The endline is "Believe", which presumably came about because the Guinness harp neatly forms the "V", but what are we supposed to believe, and what does that have to do with Guinness?
The Loot campaign wants everyone to be a copywriter. "It's the way you sell 'em, it tells us. The "Black cocktail dress is nicely Bridget Jones, and the rest is very cleverly written. What I don't get is the strategy.
The campaign reminds people that Loot exists, but why would they pick it over similar mags?
Advertising a brand of tap water can be no-one's idea of fun, it all looks the bloody same. The Yorkshire Water campaign wants the locals to "Ask for it by name", a big ask when you're in a downtown Leeds pub. The ads could have been better if they had really pasted poncey bottled waters, but since they don't so much go for the jugular as caress it, the campaign feels emasculated. Like it needs a stiff drink.
In a bid for best use of tenuous connection, the new Golden Wonder campaign compares cheese and onion flavour crisps to heavy duty narcotics. Who could it be aimed at? Ten-year-olds won't get the drug references, parents won't like them, 20-year-olds will think it's trying too hard, which leaves a couple of misguided 15-year-olds who might think that buying an extra packet is, like, sooooo nasty. The campaign makes Golden Wonder feel like a small brat of a brand trying to scream attention away from big, grown-up and witty Walkers.
The brilliant Lynx campaign proves that sometimes if you talk bollocks smartly enough, people will love you for it. The new commercial is OK, but not as good as its predecessors. It features Lynx-wearing men through the ages failing to score because, as the voiceover explains, the scent just wasn't right. Too strong, too weak, side effects, didn't last long enough. (Nothing to do with our lack of charm or looks then.) It ends happily in 2002 with a bloke getting a shag, because Lynx is now perfect.
I don't get the Radio 4 voiceover "lasts for 24 hours". Up to then, that's not really what the commercial has been about.
The Kronenbourg 1664 TV campaign wonders what would have happened if that loveable rogue Napoleon had won at Waterloo. Builders would eat lobster, we'd race poodles not greyhounds, be able to make even "I've got terrible piles sound sexy, and of course be better lovers (what happens if you're French and a crap lover? That's five years therapy right there). Lastly, of course, we'd drink our "good old beer", Kronenbourg 1664. They might have mentioned that Abba would never have won the Eurovision Song Contest, and that we'd have had Zidane in midfield, but the idea is an interesting twist on that well-worn "what if Adolf had won theme. Shame it rushes headlong into the Brits are heathens compared to the sophisticated French cliche. Because of that it's one croissant short of a full continental, and into exile it goes. Bon chance, mes braves!
Project: Golden Wonder crisps
Client: Christine Neasham, brands marketing manager
Brief: Put choice back into the crisps market. Put Golden Wonder back at
the top of people's minds
Agency: Quiet Storm
Creative team: Trevor Robinson and Becky Clarke
Photographer: Tim MacPhearson
Exposure: National posters
Project: Guinness Lava
Client: Alex Aves, marketing manager
Brief: Inspire young men to drink Guinness Extra Cold as part of their
Agency: Abbott Mead Vickers BBDO
Writer: Tony Strong
Art director: Mike Durban
Director: Rupert Sanders
Production company: Outsider
Exposure: National TV
Project: Lynx 24-hour body spray
Client: Zaid Al-Zaidy, senior European brand manager
Brief: Lynx has changed its formula. It lasts longer
Agency: Bartle Bogle Hegarty
Writer: Rosie Arnold
Art director: Rosie Arnold
Director: Steve Reeves
Production company: Another Film Company
Exposure: TV and cinema in the UK, Italy, Netherlands, Greece
ASSOCIATED NEW VENTURES
Client: Stephen Miron, managing director
Brief: Re-establish Loot in consumers' minds and develop a personality
for the brand
Agency: Wieden & Kennedy London
Writers: Ben Walker and Lee Boulton
Art directors: Mat Gooden and Steve Yorke
Typographer: Richard Hooker
Exposure: 48-sheet crosstrack posters and press ads in Metro
Project: Quality water
Client: Richard Emmott, marketing director
Brief: Create a greater appreciation of Yorkshire Water's core product
and the company itself
Agency: HHCL & Partners
Writer: Andrew Lloyd-Jones
Art directors: Axel Chaldecott and Andrew Lloyd-Jones
Typographers: Rob Wilson and Guy Wolfenden
Photographer: Struan Wallis
Exposure: 48-sheet and six-sheet posters, bus sides and regional press
Project: Kronenbourg 1664
Client: Andy Neal, brands director
Brief: Make Frenchness a virtue for Kronenbourg
Agency: M&C Saatchi
Writer: Mark Goodwin
Art director: Tiger Savage
Director: Chris Palmer
Production company: Gorgeous
Exposure: Terrestrial TV in London, Sky nationwide