PRIVATE VIEW

The new Kerrygold Irish Cheese Cheddar commercial is what we in the business technically term an ’interplay’. Here the ’interplay’ between a Kerrygold-munching Jack Charlton and a cheesy Irish barmaid is so execrable as to require the immediate slapping on the back of the legs of everyone involved, apart from two people. The first is Big Jack himself: it takes more than a spot of bad advice from an agent to take the lustre off a World Cup winner. The second is that person (there’s always one) who, upon seeing the finished commercial, broke the stunned silence to declare, ’Hey, c’mon, people! It’s not that bad!’ It is. In fact, it’s a lot worse. Leg-slapping is too good for you, pal.

The new Kerrygold Irish Cheese Cheddar commercial is what we in the

business technically term an ’interplay’. Here the ’interplay’ between a

Kerrygold-munching Jack Charlton and a cheesy Irish barmaid is so

execrable as to require the immediate slapping on the back of the legs

of everyone involved, apart from two people. The first is Big Jack

himself: it takes more than a spot of bad advice from an agent to take

the lustre off a World Cup winner. The second is that person (there’s

always one) who, upon seeing the finished commercial, broke the stunned

silence to declare, ’Hey, c’mon, people! It’s not that bad!’ It is. In

fact, it’s a lot worse. Leg-slapping is too good for you, pal.



The DTER commercial seeks to remind you to wear a seat-belt in the back

by showing an unbelted teenage son, seated behind his driving mother,

headbutt her to death when she rear-ends a car in front. It is quite a

distressing demonstration, unerringly accomplished, brutally effective.

Doubly effective for the craftiness of the commercial’s opening which

makes you, like poor mum, concentrate on the van behind.



Vision Express has two twats in an art gallery fighting over some bint’s

forgotten bins to -what?- secure her favour by handing them back to her?

Their quite spectacularly unfunny tussle is, perhaps, and I’m reaching

here, cunningly designed to highlight these particular frames’

indestructibility, a device of scalpel-like narrative economy in the

creative director’s mind alone. Nyeeeeess, as Waldie used to say.



Idle fantasy: some of the best writers in the business - Alan Parker,

Will Self, W. H. Auden - have tried to get Philadelphia cheese scripts

through, only to be stymied by Micky Minge, Beatle-mopped creative

director on the business since 1961, with the words, ’Sorry, heart, it’s

simply not Philly Girl!’ In the end, a lack of sensitivity in the

creative department to what works, plus the usual hellish time

pressures, force Micky to do the business yet again. As, indeed, he has

here in a couple of executions whose content, not to mention raison

d’etre, entirely escapes me.



(Incidentally, Micky’s new coffee-table book lavishly depicting the

favourite Philly snacks of the rich and famous, entitled Nob Cheese, is

available from today only in my imagination.)



Finally, a pair of commercials for a new drink called Source starring

two blonde Swedish girls being chased by police in cars and helicopters

in a homage to Andrew Davis (director of the Fugitive) and Jonathan

Demme (director of Silence of the Lambs). During all these goings-on,

the jolly pair (and that’s only one of them) bouncily extol the virtues

of Source (a drink with vodka and stuff in it) to camera in hand-held

close-up.



Finally, they get trussed up in maximum security chains, cages and

Lecter-like muzzles. Packshot and super: ’Source. 95.7 per cent good.’ I

almost get it. I entirely like it.



Owing to the last-minute withdrawal of some Adidas commercials which, it

turns out, are only running in America (shame, I liked them), it only

remains for me to say a couple of words to all those hoping to get past

Chelsea’s new stopper, Marcel Desailly, this season: hard cheese.



Vision Express

Project: Vision Express

Client: John Benkins, marketing manager

Brief: Position Vision Express as being innovative in glasses by showing

Flexon frames that can be bent and twisted and then return to their

original shape

Agency: Ammirati Puris Lintas

Writer: Laurence Blume

Art director: Phil Rylance

Director: Dan Nathan

Production company: Serious Pictures

Exposure: National TV

Kraft Jacobs Suchard

Project: Philadelphia

Client: Nick Shepherd, general manager

Brief: n/s

Agency: J. Walter Thompson

Writer: Sandra Leamon

Art director: Carol Cass

Director: Mel Smith

Production company: Smith Jones Brown & Cassie

Exposure: National TV

Whitbread Beer Co

Project: Source

Clients: Sophie Spence, director of marketing; Katherine McNamara,

marketing manager

Brief: Launch Source to young Swedish people living in Britain as a

drink with the authentic flavour of their native Fjords

Agency: Mother

Director: Traktor

Production company: Partizan Midi Minuit

Exposure: National TV

The Irish Dairy Board

Project: Kerrygold Irish Cheese

Client: n/s

Brief: n/s

Agency: O’Connor O’Sullivan

Writer: n/s

Art director: n/s

Director: n/s

Production company: n/s

Exposure: National TV

Department of Transport, Environment and the Regions

Project: rear selt-belts

Client: Tony Allswoth, head of publicity

Brief: Increase rear seat-belt wearing, especially among older children

and adults

Agency: Abbott Mead Vickers BBDO

Writer: Nick Worthington

Art directors: John Gorse, Paul Brazier

Director: Roger Woodburn

Production company: Park Village

Exposure: National TV



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1 Job description: Digital marketing executive

Digital marketing executives oversee the online marketing strategy for their organisation. They plan and execute digital (including email) marketing campaigns and design, maintain and supply content for the organisation's website(s).