PRIVATE VIEW

I suppose it had to happen. A few well-meaning off-the-cuff comments in my last review and some extremists from Adland’s outer fringe have gone and slapped a bleedin’ fatwa on me! A huge one. I’m well choked as you can imagine. Not only that, but a well-known creative director has threatened to ‘pack [my] chutney big time’ if I don’t ‘lay-off’ his agency.

I suppose it had to happen. A few well-meaning off-the-cuff comments in

my last review and some extremists from Adland’s outer fringe have gone

and slapped a bleedin’ fatwa on me! A huge one. I’m well choked as you

can imagine. Not only that, but a well-known creative director has

threatened to ‘pack [my] chutney big time’ if I don’t ‘lay-off’ his

agency.



Naturally, I’ve taken precautions. This week’s Private View has been

smuggled out of the maximum security wing of Groucho’s, where I sit

alone with a mini-bar, a VCR and the following ads.



Kraft is going to some expense to persuade mums everywhere that Dairylea

is a reliable staple when it comes to jazzing up kids’ dinners. One

reliable staple deserves another, as we get another chance to see the

‘product-arranged-in-funny-shapes-on-a-plate’ routine. This version

seems jolly enough however, a sort of Tessa Traeger for the under-fives.



Still in the ‘food as fun’ area we have a spot for Amoy dim sum, in

which a ninja gran - or was it a ginger nan? - serves up the eponymous

sweetmeat to the accompaniment of yer usual ‘fists of fury’ sound

effects. I would have thought all this kung fu stuff was getting a

little tired, but I guess Power Rangers would prove me wrong.



Good TV or cinema commercials for radio stations are about as rare as

bras in a creative department. Which makes Kiss 100’s track record all

the more remarkable. This latest effort is as clever, cool and good

looking as any in the series, but perhaps lacks a little of the charm

that characterised some of its predecessors. Another product with a

nigh-on impeccable advertising pedigree is Volkswagen. The new spot for

the Golf TDi is its best for some time. A pin-sharp pastiche of the

‘strange white trash meets strange white light’ UFO documentary.

Casting, camera work and a cleverly under-written script all contribute

to the polishing of this little gem of an idea. I can feel only envy and

a sort of truculent ill-will toward all concerned. Damn you, d’you hear?

Damn you to hell. Bloody bastard... (that’s enough, Ned).



It’s official. The Health Education Authority has given up trying to

smack smackheads’ heads together and has gone into control mode. ‘Just

say no’ has turned into ‘just hang on a minute’. The new National Drugs

Helpline campaign could as well be called ‘How to live with your habit’,

as it dispenses dispassionate advice on the possible side effects of

Ecstasy and LSD. One can only applaud this pragmatic approach and the

striking cross-section visuals that accompany it. It is perhaps

unfortunate that, as read, the health risks associated with the

consumption of E make it sound about as dangerous as a stiff gin and

tonic. Yet, drugs are a reality and here’s a campaign that’s trying to

deal with the fact, rather than deny it. Large!



In the macho world of in-car entertainment, Pioneer might have the

features and Alpine the cachet, but there’s no question as to who has

the biggest knobs. Goodmans continues to rape the sensibilities of the

politically correct with its claim to be our ‘second favourite in-car

entertainment’. Latest in this saga of depravity features a Jag-driving

exec who uses his foot-pump to inflate a sex doll. First, everyone knows

that Britain’s favourite in-car entertainment is playing I-Spy. Second,

everyone knows that a foot-pump valve is incompatible with the one on a

sex doll. Don’t they? Oo-er. Either way, when Old Holmsey gets wind of

this lot he’ll go bloody ballistic, I can tell you.



Meanwhile, back in the bunker, my minders have just slipped a pizza

under the door. Things must be worse than I thought.



Danone

Project: Amoy Dim Sum

Client: Ralph Abrams, general manager, retail

Brief: Show Amoy frozen dim sum is authentic, quick to prepare and

versatile

Agency: Young and Rubicam

Writer: David West

Art director: Richard Denney

Director: Steve Lowe

Production company: RSA Films

Exposure: National TV



VAG UK

Project: VW Golf TDi

Client: Nigel Brotherton, advertising manager

Brief: Promote product excellence

Agency: BMP DDB Needham

Writer: Jeremy Craigen

Art director: Jeremy Carr

Director: Frank Budgen

Production company: Paul Weiland Films

Exposure: National TV



Health Education Authority

Project: Anti-drugs

Client: Charles Gallichan, director of advertising

Brief: Tell young people about the effects of drugs

Agency: Duckworth Finn Grubb Waters

Writer: James Fryer

Art director: Mike London

Photographer: John Reardon

Typographer: Andy Dymock

Illustrator: John Charles

Exposure: Youth press



Goodmans

Project: Goodmans in-car audio

Client: Roger Fearn,

managing director

Brief: Promote Goodmans as Britain’s second-favourite in-car

entertainment

Agency: Saatchi and Saatchi

Writer: Eugene Ruane

Art director: Ajab Singh

Directors: Eugene Ruane and Ajab Singh

Production company: Winkle Films

Exposure: National TV



Kiss 100

Project: Kiss 100

Client: Malcolm Cox, marketing director

Brief: Promote Kiss as a powerful force in the dance-music world

Agency: Abbott Mead

Vickers BBDO

Writer: Tom Carty

Art director: Walter Campbell

Director: Malcolm Venville

Production company: Federation

Exposure: Regional TV



Kraft Jacobs Suchard

Project: Dairylea

Client: Julie Jones, senior product manager

Brief: Demonstrate Dairylea’s versatility in recipes for children

Agency: J. Walter Thompson

Writer: Paul Chown

Art director: Dick Poole

Photographer: Peter Myers

Typographer: Jo Chevlin

Exposure: Women’s magazines



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1 Job description: Digital marketing executive

Digital marketing executives oversee the online marketing strategy for their organisation. They plan and execute digital (including email) marketing campaigns and design, maintain and supply content for the organisation's website(s).