PRIVATE VIEW

OK! I know this is a shameless abuse of the press but I’d like to start by sending all my love to my two gorgeous, five-week-old twin girls - Alice and Emily. Nothing puts things into perspective like the creation of new life and these days it’s a more sanguine kind of a guy you have before you. So, possibly a gentler than normal ride for this week’s hopefuls?

OK! I know this is a shameless abuse of the press but I’d like to

start by sending all my love to my two gorgeous, five-week-old twin

girls - Alice and Emily. Nothing puts things into perspective like the

creation of new life and these days it’s a more sanguine kind of a guy

you have before you. So, possibly a gentler than normal ride for this

week’s hopefuls?



Bollocks! The little shits kept me up all night and I have sick all down

one shoulder. So, you have been warned!



There was only one print execution this week - Pretty Polly Niks - and

it was from Gorgeous Trev, advertising’s own Brian May. He’s shown us

his tits, now he’s got his arse on display. And very lovely it is

too.



Obligatory Trotty-style pun whacked underneath and ’Bob’s your

uncle’.



I think the problem here, and why this won’t be another Wonderbra, is

the product.



Most women, foolishly in this fetishist’s opinion, wish to diminish

their bums, and the thought of everyone staring at it might fill them

with dread.



But what do I know?



Bums on seats next. Verve-esque kind of guy wanders on, sits on big pair

of red lips, eats a Mars Bar, and is then eaten himself before being

spat out. Stupid, just stupid (to quote some car insurance ad). What is

the message? I suppose it says something for the aroma of the Mars Bar

that you can recognise it even when you’ve got a mouthful of some

bloke’s arse. But surely this is a very limited target market. Should be

a hit with Cabinet ministers, though.



No, if I had to take a mouthful of arse, it would have to be from the

star of the Egg commercials, Zoe Ball (not Linford Christie!).



I would happily put my money wherever she told me to, so I don’t know

why they bothered with all that lie-detector stuff. At one point, the

interrogator is brave enough to suggest that ’Isn’t that just a load of

old advertising flannel?’ You’re not wrong, love.



Silly name or no silly name, it’s a bank and it’s run by bankers. Stick

it under your mattress, Zoe! (No need to ask where Linford keeps his

holiday money.)



The arse theme appears to continue into the Batchelors Cup A Soup Extra

commercials.



I do worry about these. OK, they are faintly amusing in a whoopee

cushion sort of a way, but would you ever put that gunk in your mouth?

Down a builder’s arse-crack, maybe. But not in your gob. These are

either the worst food ads ever, or the entire industry has been wrong

about appetite appeal for the past 50 years and these ads are here to

show us the way forward.



My guess is that these might appeal to students and builders, that they

might make a few quick sales and, in the process, tarnish the Batchelors

name forever. Brave and wise are not always the same thing.



Ambrosia Rice has produced a spectacularly silly commercial. It starts

off like a moody InterCity ad, but it’s got a twit riding a cow in it.

This might end up being a very popular commercial.



For my money, I think the casting of the farmer is a bit off - I think

he could be funnier. But there’s no way you’ll forget this ad and at no

time do they put the rice pudding up anyone’s arse. So they’re ahead of

the game already.



Coffee Mate always reminds me of the sixth-form common room. No fridge

for the milk so it was down to Marvel or Coffee Mate. And that’s where

it has always languished in my mind, a substitute for the real

thing.



Now they want to give it some new life. Is this the ad to do it? Well,

it’s amusing, sort of memorable, but I’m not sure I’d cancel the milk on

the strength of this. The trouble is, the animation feels a little

old-fashioned, which is the last thing this brand needs.



Well, that’s it. On reading back, it appears that I’m thoroughly

bad-tempered and obsessed with sex. Welcome to parenthood.





VAN DEN BERGH FOODS

Project: Batchelors Cup A Soup Extra

Client: Not supplied

Brief: Create a campaign to support the launch of Batchelors new Cup A

Soup Extra, focusing on men rather than women

Agency: Ammirati Puris Lintas

Copywriter: Chris Wright

Art director: Julian Chalkley

Director: Rory Rooney

Production company: Godman

SARA LEE HOSIER EUROPE

Project: Pretty Polly Niks

Client: Brian Duffy, vice-president

Brief: Niks can be worn anywhere, anytime, with whatever, under wherever

Agency: TBWA GGT Simons Palmer

Writer: Trevor Beattie

Art director: Bill Bungay

Photographer: Isak Hoffmeyer

Exposure: Style press, posters

PRUDENTIAL

Project: Egg

Client: Tony Williams, communication director

Brief: Launch Egg as the first financial organisation in the UK designed

in partnership with its customers

Agency: HHCL & Partners

Art director: Steve Henry

Director: Jeff Stark

Production company: Stark Films

Exposure: National TV

MARS

Project: Mars Bar

Client: Not supplied

Brief: Mars changes the world in a positive way

Agency: DMB&B

Writer: Richard Russell

Art director: Carl Le Blond

Director: Richard Loncraine

Production company: James Garrett & Partners

Exposure: National TV

CPC

Project: Ambrosia Creamed Rice

Client: Yehudi Lipman, business unit manager

Brief: Reinvigorate the brand and remind existing users why they love

Ambrosia rice pudding

Agency: Delaney Fletcher Bozell

Writer: Malcolm Green

Art director: Gary Betts

Director: Theo Delaney

Production company: Tomboy

Exposure: National TV

NESTLE

Project: Coffee Mate

Client: Tony Kypreos, marketing manager

Brief: Revitalise the Coffee Mate brand while emphasising that its

smooth taste makes it the perfect mate for coffee

Agency: Publicis

Writer: Ira Joseph

Art director: Jackie Steers

Director: Ken Lidster

Production company: Loose Moose

Exposure: National TV



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1 Job description: Digital marketing executive

Digital marketing executives oversee the online marketing strategy for their organisation. They plan and execute digital (including email) marketing campaigns and design, maintain and supply content for the organisation's website(s).