1 Tena Men 'cat choir’
Agency Abbott Mead Vickers BBDO
Creatives Prabs Wignarajah, Jez Tribe
Producer Jessica Tranfield
Sound engineer Aaron Reynolds
Sound studio Wave
Stirling Gravitas I’m a man of a certain age. I’m in control of all aspects of my life. Even this advert. Choir!
SFX A choir sings.
SG Of Persian cats!
SFX The singing becomes cat meows with a deep beat underneath.
SG Playing kazoos!
SFX Meows become kazoos.
SG Tiny kazoos!
SFX The kazoos become small.
SG Hahahahaha! And when you’re used to being in control, you can’t have it taken away. Certainly not by something like urine leakage. Sexy voiceover!
FVO Tena Men discreet protection. Keep control. Go to Tenamen.co.uk for a free sample.
SG Purrrrrrrrrrreow. That’s hot. Silence! [The ad cuts abruptly on his command]
2 Hiscox ‘perseverance’
Creative Katie Welch
Producer Charlie Falconer
Sound engineer Nick Angel
Sound studio Angell Sound
SFX A frantic-sounding man sings a highly stylised song about the value of keeping going when owning his own business, accompanied by a piano playing the tune of The Elements by Tom Lehrer.
MVO Owning my own business is nothing short of lunacy: the budgeting for necessary stationery shopping sprees and choosing when to stick or twist and if to take a holiday and deadlines for the revenue and customs of her Majesty. There’s nothing quite like staying up all night so you don’t miss a chance, and realising that the real reward for perseverance?is being my own boss without the outside interference... and making all my clients do a super-happy belly dance!
SFX The instrumental track continues to play under the end FVO.
FVO If this sounds like your business, you might be interested to know that, last year, Hiscox insured 180,000 businesses. Hiscox Business Insurance. For the small and the brave.
3 Persil 'future jobs – perfumer'
Agency DLKW Lowe
Creatives Andrew Long, James Millers
Producer Camille Hanish-Oakes
Sound engineer Ben Leeves
Sound studio Grand Central
SFX Soft instrumental music like you would expect to hear on a high-end perfume commercial. The ad begins with a slow, seductive woman’s voice.
Woman Rose Petal eau de parfum. Awaken your senses to a truly divine aroma. Seductive and soft, this fragrance blends deep floral scents with musky green notes. Fresh grass and rose petals, delicately balanced with hints of cloudy pond water from the back of the garden. And stirred…
[The music suddenly cuts out and the voice changes into that of a young girl]
SFX Outdoor ambience.
Girl With a stick in an old jam jar. Mmmm! Mum, smell my new perfume!
VO What we do as a child shapes what we become as an adult. Persil. Dirt is good.
4 Duracell 'perfectionist'
Agency Grey London
Creatives Gary McNulty, Paul Moran
Producers Shaun O’Dwyer, Georgia Tomi
Sound engineers Liam Conwell, Ade Pressley
Sound studio Greyworks
SFX Wedding atmosphere.
MVO Tony says I was the obvious choice to be his best man because, apparently, I’m "the reliable one". So, no pressure, then…! You’ll have noticed I got him to the church on time and didn’t lose the rings. Furthermore, ladies and gentlemen, I’ve even put new batteries in this microphone to make sure the speeches don’t get cut short. So it looks like I’m "the reliable one". But Tony, he’s the perfectionist. Just look at the lady by his side…
SFX Warm response from the guests.
MVO But spare a thought for those who didn’t make the grade. Remember Joanna? And Lisa? Jane. Debbie. Ashley. Jeanette. Stacey. Helen. Shelley. Sally. Janet. Sally, again. Hannah. Roz. Martha. Sarah G. Sarah T. Sarah K. Sally, again. Jess. Natasha. Hayley. Sophie. Philippa. Tanya. Charlotte. Kate. The Morgan twins. Becky. Davina. Sally… different one. Catherine. Ruth. The Duchess of Wythenshawe… [fades out]
SFX The bride, annoyed.
FVO Duracell lasts longer, much longer.
SFX Three-note sonic mnemonic.
5 AA 'Fuel Assist'
Agency Adam & Eve/DDB
Creatives Steph Ellis, Rory Hall
Producer Jordan Cross
Sound engineer James Clark
Sound studio Clearcut Sound
SFX We hear people’s varied reactions to having put the wrong fuel in their tank.
"Oh not AGAIN!"
"I am a (bleep)ing (bleep)."
"Four years of a diesel engine and you go and put unleaded in…"
"Blast it all!"
"Idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot…"
"Oh man, me mam’s gonna kill us."
VO Don’t worry if you’ve put the wrong fuel in your car, our Fuel Assist Service can handle it. We are the Automobile Association. We are the AA.
6 Army 'who I really am'
Agency J Walter Thompson London
Creatives Jessica Weeks, Jo Taylor
Sound engineer Andy Humphries
Sound studio 750mph
MVO Sometimes people put men in one box and women in another. Men are strong and decisive. Women are soft and emotional. Just because I wear a bra and mascara, why can’t I be the one in charge? I suppose that’s why I joined the Ar… [At this point the man’s voice morphs into a woman’s voice (same age, same accent)]
Because here I’m seen for what I really am. A troop commander.
FVO2 There’s more than one way to be the best. Search Army jobs.
7 Born Free 'cookery show'
Creatives Katy Hopkins, Steve Hawthorne
Producers Jow Pawsey, Sarah Barber
Sound engineer Dan Beckwith
Sound studio Factory
SFX Music sting followed by ambient kitchen sounds.
Chef Hello. Welcome back. Today we’re going to prepare some Viande de Brousse. This exotic dish is proving especially popular with those who like their meat extra rare.
SFX Knife being sharpened.
Chef First, trim away any fat…
SFX Flesh being sliced.
SFX Gristle being cut.
SFX Bones being chopped.
Chef That’s it. Don’t worry if your gorilla is still alive at this point, as that won’t affect the flavour.
SFX Groan, silenced by one heavy chop.
Chef Drain any juices into a bowl.
SFX Liquid splashing into metal container.
Chef Then we need to separate the babies using a tearing motion. Don’t throw them away, though. Set these aside, as we’ll use them later.
SFX Knife picked back up.
Chef Now you’re ready to chop into bite-sized chunks and pop into the pan. Finally, sprinkle on some seasoning to make your dish easier to swallow.
SFX Pepper grinder. Fade out.
FVO The illegal bushmeat trade is one of the biggest threats facing Africa’s wildlife and is driving them to extinction. If it isn’t to your taste, do something about it at bornfree.org.uk.
8 Audi 'Scarlett'
Agency BBH Creative Studios
Creatives Miriam Thomas, Thomas Sulley
Producer Karen Fung
Sound engineer Ian Lambden
Sound studio The Mill
[A child reads this script and is allowed to mispronounce some of the more complicated words]
Scarlett Audi-trained technicians, using only Audi genuine parts and diagnostic equipment. And the cost of your next two services covered. All for just £299 for engines up to two litres and £399 for engines over two litres. The Audi service plan. Suitable for Audis aged three to five. Audi. Vorsprung durch Technik.
Theo Service plan covers the next two consecutive services. Retail sales only. Terms and conditions and exclusions apply. Administered by Audi Finance.
9 McDonald’s 'Beth’s a hero'
Agency Leo Burnett
Creatives Graham Lakeland, Richard Robinson
Producer Adam Furman
Sound engineer Jon Clarke
Sound studio Factory Studios
VO Call yourself a bargain hunter? Compared to Beth, you are but last season’s shop-soiled clutch bag with 5 per cent off. Because when you’re tucked up in bed dreaming of a half-price halter-neck, Beth is camped outside her local designer outlet, waiting for the shutters to roll up, living your dream. And while she is, she knows McDonald’s are there with over 500 restaurants open 24 hours. If you’re awake, we’re awake.
SFX Five-note sting.
10 Durex 'explore'
Agency Havas Worldwide London
Creatives Joe Williams, Andy Preston
Producers Sarah Sharp, Amanda Newall
Sound engineer Dave Robinson
Sound studio The Love Commercial Production Company
SFX Two women giggling.
VO If you’ve downloaded the Durex Explore app on your mobile or tablet, open it now… Just hold it up to the radio. Then you won’t miss out on seeing couples connected like never before. You won’t miss out on seeing couples taken to the heights of passion. You won’t miss out on seeing couples discovering pleasures they’ve never tried before. In fact, you won’t miss out on watching the world’s first radio ad that you can actually see. What you’ll see is that Durex now discreetly delivers our exclusive range of toys straight to your door. Now go back to your app and start to explore the sex life you don’t want to miss out on. Love sex. Durex.
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