Oh, yeah. Bloody hell. I'm sweating in here. Roasting, boiling, baking, sweltering. It's like a sauna.

A furnace. You can fry an egg on my stomach. Oh, who wouldn't lap this up? It's ridiculous. Tremendous. Cannes-tastic. Cannes-dabi-dozi-tastic.

Beautiful food. Tasty people. Is that the right way round? Apologies. I've had a rose. Or two.

Harvey Nichols is labelling its sale "daylight robbery". I just got served a chicken sandwich on the Plage Royale by a waiter who despised me, and made no bones about it. The sarnie came with fries that warranted a separate price. The number of fries? Twelve. The cost of the meal? £32. That's daylight robbery. Nonetheless, this is stylishly shot, simply done, nice and playful. The same old same old from Harvey Nicks, which is a compliment, I guess.

The Albert Kennedy Trust work confuses me. Full marks for securing a star-studded cast, but my gaydar wasn't working because I didn't realise they were famous until I read the blurb. And the premise: without support from the Albert Kennedy Trust, the lives of many gay people could have taken a very different turn. Sir Ian McKellen could have been a homeless alcoholic. And Sam Fox could have ended up getting her tits out in national newspapers for a living. Erm, is that right? The rose's kicking in. No matter. The point is, I don't believe these vignettes are reasonable analogies or vaguely authentic. And excuse my ignorance, but why do gay people need more help than anyone else to stop them falling on hard times? And if they do, maybe the ad could explain a bit more about that. Then I might be more predisposed to it. Instead, it left me nonplussed.

I'm not engaged enough with the O2 work to understand who the guy with the horns is - and why he has horns and stuff anyway. It goes over my head. I'm not getting a bigger brand whatsit out of this, and I think that's important in this sector. But it is sweet and fun, and I have just secured a ticket for the Bacon party on Friday night so, hey, rubbish it ain't.

Now on to easyJet. I like the change of tack and the simple messaging, but I hate the model and the styling. This bloke has got "Cannes delegate" written all over him. Burnetts. Yemen. Executive president of integrated microstrategy, just out from the seminar on macrotrend ideation. Who are they kidding? This guy's got a Swissair Platinum Card that gets him all sorts of kickbacks at Regus, Stockley Park.

Bombay Sapphire has done some nice projections on to Battersea Power Station. Have to admit, I'm a sucker for these - which is good because YouTube and Vimeo are chock-a-block with them. I'm all for trying new ways of getting to people. But if you've managed to persuade the client to make four minutes of content instead of five seconds of break bumper, then why make it so banal? This is well made and pretty, so kudos to those responsible for that bit. Unfortunately, there isn't a discernable narrative to hook me into the brand story, so I lost interest early.

Listerine is educating us about what life throws at our mouths. Cannes has thrown a pretty eclectic mix at mine, so I think "life vs mouth" could make for quite interesting stuff. But dwarfs in tooth suits fending off the flotsam and jetsam of a normal day isn't doing it for me. They may need to take a few more risks if they want people to actively seek this content out.

I'd like to end on a high. So congratulations Stewbacca for writing his future. No baked beans from a can for him for a while. And thanks so much to Marshall Street, MJZ, Smuggler, Pulse, Finger and Independent for reminding me once again what a top laugh this business is, and how lucky we are to be in it. Eau reservoir.

 

When I got a call asking if I'd do the Private View this week I was pretty excited, although a quick look through the archive revealed some pretty intimidating acts to follow, especially for a Northern Monkey like me.

That said, it's great to be asked, and all the selections for this week will be going under my "idea light meter"(patent pending), so let's get cracking.

It makes me happy to be a photographer when I see ads like these from Harvey Nichols. Simple, elegant and classically DDB. They seem totally uncompromising, and will probably crowd out an already overcrowded art director's office with even more awards. Perfect casting, perfect styling, great use of space, great lighting -and a great choice of photographer (whoever it is?). Did I say how great these are? Light meter test: blowing out the highlights, maximum luminosity.

Now, on to the O2 banjo-playing goat man. If I were at Glastonbury right now, nibbling on a magic mushroom and enjoying a fine herbal cigarette, I could imagine being goat man's new best friend. Sadly, though, ads like these make me hit that special button on my new telly. That said, it's jolly enough and probably shifts quite a lot of whatever it's supposed to be shifting. And, let's face it, who doesn't love a squirrel dressed as a sailor? I'm not sure I'll be listening to Tinie Tempah in a pint glass though, but whatever rocks your boat. Light meter test: well exposed, but a little oversaturated.

Albert Kennedy Trust. I like the message: gay celebs who could have taken a worse path through life without the help of the trust. It took me quite a few goes to get to that though. I got Sam Fox first, then Sir Ian McKellen, but slightly longer to get the rest. It's pretty hard to decipher as the edit is so hectic, the grade's pretty dark and all that shallow focus seems to make it hard to get everything that's going on. It's a bold production though, and makes me feel happy to work in an industry that, while being wholly commercial, also gives back to society. Light meter test: losing it in the blacks.

And on the subject of giving back, what about the Bombay Sapphire projection on to Battersea Power Station? I love this stuff. Give some art to the people and tag a bit of commerce on the end. Were they giving away free booze too? If so, I missed out on that one. My light meter reading is all over the place on this one, but I can see it's definitely peaking in the red.

EasyJet, my favourite airline. Smug speedy boarders looking at the carnage of the "B" queue really isn't my idea of elegant travel. It's nice to see some black-and-white pictures though, and the copy is well done. I have to say that, personally, I'm a great advocate of the curtain. It keeps the riff-raff out. And I love the free nuts too, and the bellinis, and the free massage, and the shower on the A380. Do you think there'll ever be a pool table up there? Light meter test: good detail in the mid-tones.

After every big night out, everyone knows that you use Listerine to keep your gob nice and fresh. But why would anybody seek this out on YouTube and spend their valuable time playing with this supposedly "personalised" film? Oops. I seem to have got a bit of drool on my light meter and it's stopped working.

The Albert Kennedy Trust 'AKT now' by TBWA London Credits

This weeks private view selection

Share On:

Before commenting please read our rules for commenting on articles.

If you see a comment you find offensive, you can flag it as inappropriate. In the top right-hand corner of an individual comment, you will see 'flag as inappropriate'. Clicking this prompts us to review the comment. For further information see our rules for commenting on articles.

comments powered by Disqus