The 10 Top Turkeys of 2004

1. Strongbow - Oh, how we groan every time that Strongbow cider spot from Leo Burnett creeps into the ad break: 'Why anyone would want to use the taste buds of a whale as the focus of their brand campaign is remarkable. On top of that, the delivery is clumsy and, although the spot is meant to be funny, it just leaves a nasty taste in your mouth.'

2. Gaviscon - Ironic that a product designed to cure gastric ailments makes Campaign's team feel sick. Yes, Gaviscon's spot by CheethambellJWT comes in at number two: "Female traffic cop feels able to direct the traffic, dancing to the strains of the Flashdance theme. Yes, it really is as bad as it sounds."

3. Tetley - For many, the end of Sex and the City meant they could breath a sigh of relief ... that was until the sex-obsessed character played by Kim Cattrall popped up on our screens in an even more excruciating role: in an ad for tea. It sends shivers down your spine just thinking about it: "Cattrall doesn't seem the obvious choice as the face of Tetley, and the ad really jars. The use of a character called 'Auntea' as the love-life advisor hardly helps matters." Shudder.

4. Direct Line - We're still highly sceptical about Mortimer Whittaker O'Sullivan's spot for Direct Line: "Oh come off it. Everyone knows that those poor souls who work in call centres have to put a hand up if they want to go to the loo, so it's beyond belief that they'll be enjoying James Bond or Charlie's Angels work fantasies."

5. Head & Shoulders - Saatchi & Saatchi's ad for Head & Shoulders For Men is guilty of one of those "think global, can't really be arsed to act local" approaches: "While appreciating that this has to be translated to run across multiple regions, there's no excuse for cheesy lines such as 'she even steals my rubber ducky'."

6. Ford Focus C-Max - Anything that earns the plaudit of "council house cog" has to be a top turkey and Ogilvy & Mather's spot for the Ford Focus C-Max is clearly that: "If you are going to cynically try to rip off Wieden & Kennedy's award-winning Honda masterpiece, then at least give the agency the budget so it can attempt to make a decent fist of it."

7. First Alternative - A list of turkeys would surely not be complete without a Michael Winner spot. In his latest spot for First Alternative car insurance: "The juxtaposition of smug rich white male with placard-waving blonde still makes us want to burn our bras and throw bricks at a G8 summit."

8. Toyota Corolla - Saatchi & Saatchi's ad for Toyota Corolla continues to drive us round the bend: "Asked by his dinner date what car he drives, a man proudly announces 'I drive a Toyota Corolla' through a megaphone, reducing his fellow diners to an embarrassed silence - a reaction, we'd imagine,that is shared by most of us."

9. Australian Tourist Commission - TBWA's rendition of I Can Sing A Rainbow for the Australian Tourist Commission can still be irritatingly conjured up months later, making it a firm contender in this year's top turkeys: "We cannot imagine why anyone would choose an annoying nursery-school song to accompany their branding campaign. In addition, the breathless, tragic manner in which the singer delivers the tune is ridiculous. Cheer up, love."

10. Grolsch - The Leith Agency got its knickers in a twist over its turkey for the Grolsch aliens spot, moaning that it was mega-effective. Sorry guys, but the ad is still a stinker: "Aliens are persuaded to hijack bottles of Grolsch. But how freaky outer-space characters enjoying the beverage will convince people it's cool or appealing is anyone's guess."

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