2. Following the High Court ruling that the ban on television advertising by "bodies with political objectives" breaches the Human Rights Act 1998, a range of campaigning bodies will declare their intention to use the power of television to promote their ideology, except the Liberal Democrats, who don't want to cause a fuss.
3. The campaign against obesity among young people will take a new twist when it emerges most overweight people are aged 35 to 44. The Government will rise to this challenge by banning food advertising to the middle-aged.
4. Flush with her success in the divorce courts, Heather Mills McCartney will announce her acquisition of Google. Concerns will be raised for the integrity of the search engine when it emerges that the only result of a search for "Beatles songwriter" is the word "Lennon".
5. Having realised just how much money is to be made by offshore gambling, the elected members of the Palace of Westminster will flood the moat and declare the Palace an offshore gambling haven. Computer servers will be stacked up in the Chamber, modest but highly remunerative taxes will be imposed on the bookies, and copious amounts of Champagne will be consumed on the terrace. No change there then.
6. Investors in WPP will be heartened to learn that Sir Martin Sorrell has devised a succession plan for the leadership of the network in the fullness of time, but disappointed to learn that the process is based on that for the choice of the Dalai Lama, involving the selection of a five-year-old boy born on the day of the demise of the old Dalai Lama.
7. Following the boom in social networking, Rupert Murdoch will dazzle the City by announcing the purchase of Jeremy Miles' Little Black Book of industry contacts for the knock-down price of just £1.5 billion.
8. Gordon Brown will get more than he bargained for when Tony Blair finally hands over the keys to 10 Downing Street. Sly old Tony not only tells all his political advisors to exercise their TUPE rights and go and work for Gordy, he also tells Cherie that her role as First Lady is unaffected and he'll see her after the book tour.
9. With just five short years left to prepare for London 2012, Gordon Brown will cunningly prevent Britain's reputation from being besmirched by the failure to complete the redevelopment of East London on time by swapping the Olympics for the World Cup in 2018, and relocating the event to Scotland.
10.At the same time as announcing its decision to renationalise British Telecom and acquire all BT's phone boxes, the Government will legalise the advertising of escort services, and cleverly find itself as the monopoly media owner servicing a niche market sector.