THE BOOK OF LISTS: The 10 Best quotes from Private View

1. Steve Henry, creative director, HHCL/Red Cell

I have a horrible suspicion that the ad for Simple Sun is what is known as a scam. But frankly, who cares? It's bloody funny.

The proposition is something about preventing irritation caused by the sun, but this is definitely the first time I've ever seen morphing nadgers on a TV ad. The main character's meat and two veg twitch, jiggle and jump around, under a skimpy pair of trunks, in a quite alarming way. At one point, they resemble a former editor of Campaign.

It's fantastically impressive, and makes me want to keep practicing my Pilates. I can't help believing it's possible to do this sort of thing without the benefit of post-production. It's a little-known fact that men can move their willies in any way they want, although, obviously we keep this fact a secret, otherwise we'd never get a moment's peace: "I'm trying to watch the football." "Oh go on, do that Sooty impression again."

2. Trevor Beattie, chairman and creative director, TBWA\London

Is it just me, or is advertising creativity at its lowest ebb ever? Oh, it is just me? Phew. Thank God for that.

3. Robert Campbell, joint executive creative director, Rainey Kelly Campbell Roalfe/Y&R

Ultimately, what a good advertising practitioner sells his client is something that might best be described as voodoo. Voodoo is a heady concoction of talent, experience, intellect, contacts, reputation, confidence, instinct, magic and random luck. You can't legislate for voodoo. You can't weigh it or measure it. Not every advertising person can deliver it. Not every client can buy it. And consumers aren't very good at spotting it in research groups.

Voodoo is an instinct for doing what feels right. And sometimes what feels wrong. It's beauty. It's timing. It's sexiness. It's emotion.

It's wit, charm and impact. It's good taste. It can be bad taste. It's not being scared to provoke. It's getting rhythm and pace just so in a restricted time space. Weaving sound and vision together. It's being able to say exactly what you want to say on behalf of a brand but, as John Hegarty would say, doing it with style. Voodoo is a rare commodity.

And if you get it right, voodoo builds brands and flogs product like crazy. It may be voodoo, but it's worth serious cash.

4. Rooney Carruthers, creative partner at Vallance Carruthers Coleman Priest

We used to go to Butlins in Clacton for our summer holidays when we were kids, a real treat for a boy from Willesden. What fun. I could eat six hot ring donuts in one sitting. At breakfast, every family table got a raffle ticket and we'd sing the breakfast song and the compere would draw the winning ticket.

"Always eat when you are hungry.

"Always drink when you are dry.

"Always wash when you are dirty.

"Don't stop breathing, or you die.

"Aaah aah aah aah, box."

5. Gerry Moira, chairman and executive creative director, Publicis

In my day, if you could stand on a barstool with a pint of beer on your head (full, mind you) and sing Hi Ho Silver Lining (including guitar solo), you were in. Nowadays getting into our business is, I'm told, rather more complicated.

6. Trevor Beattie, chairman and creative director, TBWA\London

Rugby players. Hate 'em. Like motorcyclists, they're not required to live by the same set of rules as the rest of us. In any other walk of life, gouging, biting, stamping, mauling, rucking, wearing a knotted pink cardie round your shoulders and writhing in a human soup with 14 of your closest gormless, toothless, university educated, bottom-feeding, plankton-personalitied chums would be frowned upon. Not in rugby. They get their own World Cup, for God's sake.

7. Steve Henry, creative director, HHCL/Red Cell

A nice, visible, cheeky pair of ads, with a sticky-back-plastic vibe to them. I'm not sure I want to watch the programme, but I never got the appeal of Blue Peter anyway. If you told me the producer was a hairy-legged crop-wielding martinet who deflowered innocent virgins from up North, I might be interested. Although I don't know - I get too much of that at home, anyway.

8. James Lowther, chairman, M&C Saatchi

Is it the end-of-summer blues? Am I in the grip of a particularly virulent attack of the male menopause? Or am I not alone in thinking that this country has started to lose its grip on the creative crown? At least poo has the honesty to stink. Most work, it seems, is odour-free and can be invisible.

9. Andrew Cracknell

Of the three activities that waste most time in a creative department (thinking up leaving cards, deciding on awards entries and writing straplines), we all know the last is the most pointless. If you've stumbled on to or inherited a good one, such as "The home of the Whopper", use it. If you haven't, sod it. Account handlers and clients of the world, when are you going to acknowledge that no-one's interested, no-one's listening, that it's just more rat shit under the logo?

10. Paul Briginshaw, joint creative director, Miles Calcraft Briginshaw Duffy

David Abbott once said this to me after one of my ads had been given a mauling in Private View: "It only really hurts if you know it to be true." Like a lot of things he says, it seems to work.


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