Otherwise known as the "electronic arse-kisser" by senior WPP execs who use them to keep in touch with Sir Sozza 24/7. Ownership implies that you are, like, so totally important that there is not a nanosecond in your day when you might not have to send an e-mail or be available for eWank's erotic executive messaging service.
2. Management coach
This season's must-have for anxious over-achievers. The implication of a management coach, of course, is not that you are not perfect, but that you are so perfect that you realise that you could be more perfect still. Gary Duckworth and Miranda Kennett are the management coaches du jour.
3. A seat on Concorde's last flight
Flying with the likes of S Club and a bloke from Corrie must surely be the ultimate sign that you have arrived - or at least that you have departed. Lord Saatchi had a place on Super C's final journey. Mark Wnek had to content himself with a booking sometime during its last week.
4. Lord Lindley tree house
Sadly, there comes a time in every ad person's life when they have to spend some quality time with the children. What could be more pleasing than watching the little tykes clamber all over a six-grand, hand-made climbing frame cum tree house, preferably fashioned from tropical hardwood? Grey's Garry Lace has one. So does Euro's Adam Leigh, although his may be MDF with a wood-stain finish.
5. Tim Little shoes
Former Leagas Delaney account man Tim Little has rapidly acquired the mantle of "the dark knight of the sole" among advertising's elite. Micky Finn, the chief executive of DFGW, aka the Imelda Marcos of Great Pulteney St, claims to own six pairs - at £250 a pop. There won't be much in the Finn family's stockings this Christmas, but the knowledge that Daddy is attractively shod will surely be a gift in itself.
6. Your own PR guru
Only a stupid person would suggest that having your own PR is a sign of pathological insecurity or hubris on an Olympian scale. It was a trend started by Graham Fink (who?) and continued by Trevor Beattie who now employs Mark Borkowski as his representative on earth.
7. House in the South of France
Paul Simons, Y&R's Jim Kelly and Executive X from a large French-owned agency are just some of the admen to own magnificent villas/mansions/huts in the area. Executive X, a man who famously gets moist at the word "l'argent", will allow proles like you into his splendid Provencale home for a modest stipend. £2,000 a week, peak season to you, Jean.
8. Membership of Soho House. Not London, New York, you fool
The chance to hang round that famous roof- top pool has the added cachet that you will soon be sporting the ever-so-virulent grey American verucca. This puts you streets ahead in the prestige stakes of your try-hard friends and their feeble English red veruccas.
9. Sir Martin Sorrell's mobile number
When you are first given this, you feel that you have joined a truly elite group, the chosen few able to text Sir Sozza with banal abbreviated messages about what you are watching on telly. Only later will it dawn on you that every CEO and CFO of every WPP operating company also has the number and that your "elite group" therefore numbers north of 150,000 people.
10. The Priory VIP card
More than one advertising big wig has needed medical help in dealing with "severe stress" this year. Keep it next to your AA/NA "clean for a day" key fob.