CAMPAIGN CRAFT: COLUMN - How to cope with being your gaffer’s supervisor

Me Ah, Abbott, sit down. Him Problem, Pete? Me Call me Mr Souter.

Me Ah, Abbott, sit down. Him Problem, Pete? Me Call me Mr

Souter.



Him Problem, Mr Souter? Me This copy you’ve written, bit crap, isn’t

it?



Him Oh, OK. I’ll do another draft.



Me Too right you will, matey, and have it on my desk by the end of the

day. Him Righto. Oh, and while I’ve got a moment with you ... Me Make it

quick, I’m a busy man now.



Him Righto. You’re fired. Me (blubbing profusely) But, but ... why?

Where did I go wrong?



The question I’ve been asked most frequently in recent weeks (after ’Ha,

ha, ha. Why you?’) is ’How on earth will you turn down David Abbott’s

copy?’ My answer is, of course, ’Why would I want to?’ Not, as the

opening work of fiction implies, because I’m afraid of the sack, but

because our chairman writes very good copy.



The dumbfounded one’s next question is usually, ’How will you control

Tom and Walt?’



Me Ah, Tom, Walt, take a seat. Them No thanks, we’d rather just float

here, a few inches above the carpet. Me Please yourself, now, about this

commercial you’ve just done ... bit boring, isn’t it? Them We’ll change

it immediately, just as soon as we’ve answered all those creative

directors who rang this morning to say how much they loved it and turn

down their offers of equity and houses in the country.



Why would I want to control Tom and Walt? The pencils in their office

look like a yellow mountain range with a black tip. They can leave any

time they want to, but they’ll probably only want to if someone thinks

they need ’controlling’.



Me Ah, Gorse, Worthington. Take a seat and start explaining why this ad

you’ve done is so lacking in style and contemporary feeling ...



- well, you get the idea.



Arghyrou, Baker, Brazier, Briginshaw, Brown, Collins, Duffy, Doherty,

Durban, Foster, Gausis, Horton, Hoza, Hyatt, Jenkins, Kennedy, Leaver,

Marcantonio, Martin, Newton, Oliver, Rice, Riley, Spence, Strong ...



They tried to throw me in at the deep end, but I landed on the QEII.



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