You love this song, you remember it from when you were a kid and
you used to sing it with your mum/first boyfriend/dog. Then a huge chunk
goes missing, the rhythm is all wrong, they’ve changed the words and
they’ve got some dreadful screaming female doing the vocals.
I know ads have strict length restrictions, but don’t think ’oh, well,
as long as we get the bit from the song that is relevant (not that it
ever is) then we can arse around as much as we like with the rest of the
thing as the product will carry it’. Sorry, mate. We’re not sitting
there admiring the casting or leading-edge dialogue. When your product
is soap powder or chocolate or twinkle twat talcum powder, the music’s
all we’ve got.
It’s only the crap ads that do this. You don’t get Levi’s, Ford or
Blackcurrant Tango chopping barlines and verses around. They even use
music that charts.
I’m probably the only one who cares, but this is an insidious
People are singing the wrong versions of these songs. They might hear
the original of a buggered-by-advertising oldie and think ’but the real
version has got an interesting 7/8 time signature with an improbable
three-and-a-half bar cyclical structure and a segue into the
This person has been corrupted. Don’t let it happen to your
Grab your old Grade 2 piano certificate, storm the agencies and demand
complete choruses. Take your guitar and play the bastards the solo they
cut out. Show ’em.