CAMPAIGN DIARY: I’M ONLY A PUNTER BUT ..

You love this song, you remember it from when you were a kid and you used to sing it with your mum/first boyfriend/dog. Then a huge chunk goes missing, the rhythm is all wrong, they’ve changed the words and they’ve got some dreadful screaming female doing the vocals.

You love this song, you remember it from when you were a kid and

you used to sing it with your mum/first boyfriend/dog. Then a huge chunk

goes missing, the rhythm is all wrong, they’ve changed the words and

they’ve got some dreadful screaming female doing the vocals.



I know ads have strict length restrictions, but don’t think ’oh, well,

as long as we get the bit from the song that is relevant (not that it

ever is) then we can arse around as much as we like with the rest of the

thing as the product will carry it’. Sorry, mate. We’re not sitting

there admiring the casting or leading-edge dialogue. When your product

is soap powder or chocolate or twinkle twat talcum powder, the music’s

all we’ve got.



It’s only the crap ads that do this. You don’t get Levi’s, Ford or

Blackcurrant Tango chopping barlines and verses around. They even use

music that charts.



I’m probably the only one who cares, but this is an insidious

practice.



People are singing the wrong versions of these songs. They might hear

the original of a buggered-by-advertising oldie and think ’but the real

version has got an interesting 7/8 time signature with an improbable

three-and-a-half bar cyclical structure and a segue into the

middle-eight’.



This person has been corrupted. Don’t let it happen to your

children.



Grab your old Grade 2 piano certificate, storm the agencies and demand

complete choruses. Take your guitar and play the bastards the solo they

cut out. Show ’em.



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