Name: Andy Bird
Job: Associate creative partner, Ogilvy London
Professional mission: Do stuff
Personal mantra: It wasn't my fault, was it?
5.34am Three-year-old Sprog One crawls into bed. Get a warm feeling.
5.35am Turns out warm feeling is wee-wee. Check it's his and not mine again. Get up.
5.45am Feeding Sprog Two a bottle in the front room. Sit in the dark staring at Sky Sports News in trance ... Aldershot 3, Droylsden 1 ... Halifax 0, Histon 0. Sprog One hurls abuse and Thunderbird 4 at my head and I snap out of it.
6.45am Yoga on the terrace.
7.05am Lute practice.
7.14am Go to check BlackBerry. Can't find it anywhere. Stacey reminds me I haven't got one.
8.15am On the Trumpton-esque DLR to Canary Wharf.
8.19am Get the seat at the front. Ace! Pretend I'm the driver (which is a bonus). More often than not I'm squashed in by the door getting a noseful of some banker's Kouros, hair gel and stale Stella breath.
9.30am Spot account management waiting to pounce by my desk. Hide in the toilet.
11.45am Chat about Newcastle's season prospects with the only other Geordie I can find at Ogilvy, my old mate Gary Jobe.
11.45am +4 secs Chat over.
12.04pm Spend 20 minutes trying to find music for a mood film. Give up and set iPod to shuffle.
12.05pm Are Einsturzende Neubauten or Test Dept still going?
1.05pm Dinner time. Eat soup and bagel at desk. (Nobody ever admits to going to the boozer for lunch in this column, do they?)
2.12pm See final cut of Sue and Tony's new viral film, outstanding.
3.45pm Pitch strategy session with client. Goes well.
4.55pm Working on script. Naturally, I look at nufc.com for inspiration.
6.13pm Got a gazillion things to sort out. Ring home to say I'm late again.
7.21pm Finalising layouts for pitch document. Since it backs on to the Ogilvy bar area, it's often hard to concentrate. The scene can often resemble the final days of Pompeii.
8.30pm Home. Pea and ham soup and two hours of shouting at the TV.
10.00pm Check bed is dry. Flake out.
11.23pm Sprog Two wakes up. Sit downstairs in the dark feeding him a bottle ... Rushden & Diamonds 3, Ebbsfleet 1 ...