Close-Up: 24 hours with ... Richard Alflord, M&C Saatchi

Name: Richard Alflord
Job: Joint managing director, M&C Saatchi
Professional mission: It's easier to work hard when you're happy
Personal mantra: He who smelt it, dealt it

8.00am Wake to my alarm.

8.30am Consider getting up, decide not to.

9.05am Itching sensation. Scratch myself better.

9.08am Feel very suddenly ill. Call in sick. Moray answers. Feel genuinely sick all of a sudden.

9.15am To Buy or Not To Buy. This is a marvellous programme I regularly enjoy. I forget what it's about, but it involves buying something.

10.00am Escape to the Country. A wonderful show about escaping to the country. I want to escape there too, but I don't like farms. It's very complicated, but aged six, I was attacked by a Bantam Cock.

11.00am Open House. A truly brilliant show about houses being opened. Starting to feel a bit guilty about work. Imagining Moray's puppy eyes. He's just such a nice guy, I'm sure he'll understand.

11.30am Sponge bath. I really can't be doing with full showers in the morning. They take FOREVER.

12 noon Look into fridge. Elect to eat mango chutney on a cracker. It's like toast and jam, but no need to go to Tesco.

12.30pm Call my secretary, Sam. She is running late due to the Tube. I hate it when she tells me about her sexual health problems.

1.00pm Raining. I think I might have SAD, because I'm feeling very sad.

1.40pm Cheer myself up with Doctors. It's hilarious, and reminds me of The Bill. But worse. Oh, so much worse.

2.00-4.00pm Sleep like a fat dog. Dream of running through fields chasing rabbits and Bantam Cocks.

4.00pm Set off to deliver another hard day's slog in office.

4.30pm Arrive at office.

5.00pm See Moray, who looks at me in that "I like you but I hate you" way of his. Shiver.

6.00pm Fresh and Wild. This shop used to be full of healthy food, but now only sells chocolate. Buy some chocolate and a small bunch of grapes. £11.50 - seems reasonable to me.

8.00pm Suddenly feel listless and bored. Why? I've done everything that I wanted to do today, yet it doesn't make me happy. Lesson learned.

9.00pm Bed. Tomorrow I'll go in and do a full day. Vomit with excitement into mug by bed.


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