Close-Up: The hot seat - John Townshend, Rapier

Name: John Townshend

Job: Creative partner, Rapier

- You've got five hours left before the world explodes. What do you do?

Pick up the family. Go to the South of France. Buy a Riva Aquarama. Whizz around a bit. BANG.

- What's your best joke?

Hedgehogs - why can't they just share the hedge?

- What's your biggest fear?


- When did you last cry and why?

In a rerun of Shooting Stars: George Dawes doing Peanuts.

- Who is your hero?

Jack Nicholson.

- Name one thing about yourself that few people know.

I'm a drummer.

- What's the worst thing about your job?

People saying words like "engaging".

- What do you see when you look in the mirror?

A potato with a comedy blond wig.

- Which historical figure do you most identify with, and why?

Horatio Nelson. Norfolk boy done good.

- If you had a trained monkey, what would you make it do?

Get a typewriter and write ads.

- If your office was burning down, what object would you save and why?

My MacBook. It contains everything. Including the novel I'm not writing.

- Are you happy?

Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes.

- What would you do if you were invisible for the day?

Juggle oranges in Tottenham Court Road. And watch the reaction.

- What's your most evocative childhood memory?

Norfolk. Cut grass. And lemon barley.

- What's your most irritating habit?

Apparently: "It's the face you make when you don't like a piece of work." (Liz Franklin, copywriter, Rapier.)

- What belief do you hold most strongly?

Do the right thing.

- What's on your iPod most-played list?

Oh, Richard Hawley at the moment.

- What do you wear in bed?

Chanel No. 5.