Job Group executive creative director, Leo Burnett
- You've got five hours left before the world explodes. What would you do?
I'm not sure, but I have a terrible fear that I would do as cattle do when confronted by the slaughterhouse - desperately try to have sex with whatever's nearest in a vain attempt to propagate their seed. Which, if I was stuck in a meeting with Paul Lawson, would turn the situation into an apocalyptic nightmare.
- What's your best joke?
It is so repellent and offensively filthy that I won't sully the pages of this family magazine with it.
- What's your biggest fear?
Silk Cut discontinuing its 100s range.
- When did you last cry and why?
Sat at my desk, imagining spending five hours joylessly dry-humping Lawson as the world turns to ashes around us.
- Who is your hero?
For his stoicism, kindness and emotional generosity, and for the simple fact that, above and beyond simple genetics, without him I would not exist - my grandfather.
- Name one thing about yourself that few people know?
When I was 14, I had a moustache and a perm.
- Which historical figure do you most identify with and why?
Charles Dickens. But the poorly educated, gaudily dressed control freak from Portsmouth bit, rather than all the crazy shit he did with books.
- If you had a trained monkey, what would you make it do?
Teach it to light my cigarettes, but without getting thick monkey spit on the butts.
- If your office was burning down, what object would you save and why?
My creative department. I would be buggered if they were all tragically overcome by smoke.
- Are you happy?
Currently, very much so.
- What's your most evocative childhood memory?
Standing at the front bedroom window of my grandparents' house, with a blizzard blowing outside, watching my dad load my rocking horse Christmas present into the back of his car. I was 18 months old and, for some reason, I had no pants on.
- What do you wear in bed?
A small patch of pubic hair.
- What belief do you hold most strongly?
That compassion, decency, empathy and kindness always win in the end.