Close-Up: The Hot Seat - Paul Bainsfair, iris

Name: Paul Bainsfair

Job: Chief executive for Europe, iris

- You've got five hours left before the world explodes. What do you do?

Cut the blue wire.

- What's your best joke?

Man asks friend: "What's the difference between erotic and kinky?" Friend replies: "Say you trace a feather lightly over your wife's naked body - that's erotic. Now, if you use the whole chicken ..."

- What's your biggest fear?

Losing my hair.

- When did you last cry and why?

Last summer, when my dog, Taxi, died.

- Who is your hero?

Keith Richards.

- Name one thing about yourself that few people know.

I am also a farmer. If you want to know about Defra's single payment scheme - I'm your man.

- What's the worst thing about your job?

The death of the lunch.

- What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Occasionally, single long hairs growing out of my face that definitely weren't there the day before.

- Which historical figure do you most identify with and why?

Catherine the Great's horse. Because my work often takes me far beyond the job description.

- If you had a trained monkey, what would you make it do?

Whatever makes it happy. I definitely don't want a pissed-off monkey on my hands.

- If your office was burning down, what object would you save and why?

Our one-off, metre-high chrome London 2012 mascot.

- Are you happy?

President Mitterrand once said that it was impossible for an intelligent man to be truly happy. Yes, I am happy.

- What would you do if you were invisible for the day?

What do you mean? I'm over 50 and work in advertising - invisibility is already a daily occurrence.

- What's your most evocative childhood memory?

Driving my dad's Hillman Minx with one of those toy suction steering wheels.

- What's your most irritating habit?

Telling the same old anecdotes.

- What belief do you hold most strongly?

Ready, fire, aim.

- What's on your iPod most-played list?

Gimme Shelter.

- What do you wear in bed?

Freebie Qantas business-class PJs.


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