Job Group: managing director, Leo Burnett
- You've got five hours left before the world explodes. What do you do?
Clockwatch - I'm slightly obsessive compulsive.
- What's your best joke?
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
- What's your biggest fear?
Having my own son, a 20-year-old policeman, knocking on my front door to arrest me for doing something illegal and marching me out in front of our nice neighbours.
- When did you last cry and why?
When my five-year-old son caught me in the nose with an uppercut as he leapt out at me, Cato-style, followed by the bout of hysteria when I opened the bill for the school that's meant to make him a gentle, civilised member of society.
- Who is your hero?
My grandfather - a man for whom was written the homily: You can easily judge the character of a man by the way he treats those who can do nothing for him.
- Name one thing about yourself that few people know.
I wear nothing but a flesh-coloured catsuit when I'm alone at home.
- What's the worst thing about your job?
Forgetting that I'm wearing my flesh-coloured catsuit when I turn up for work on Monday morning.
- What do you see when you look in the mirror?
If it's a Monday morning, a man who appears, at first glance, to be naked and sporting the totally smooth genitals of a Ken doll.
- With which historical figure do you most identify with and why?
Arius, a prominent heretic of early Christianity, who suggested there was a time when Christ hadn't existed. But his religious subversion is not my main point of identification. What I identify with is his cause of death - apparently, he shat out his bowels. Exactly what I thought I was suffering after a ten-course tasting menu at Zaika recently.
- If you had a trained monkey, what would you make it do?
Mate it with our ECD, Jon Burley, and see if I can re-create his partner, Jim Bolton.
- If your office was burning down, what object would you save and why?
Why would I enter a building I'd just set light to?
- Are you happy?
Thanks to my wife and children, never more so.