Close-Up: The Hot Seat - Paul Lawson, Leo Burnett

Name: Paul Lawson

Job Group: managing director, Leo Burnett

- You've got five hours left before the world explodes. What do you do?

Clockwatch - I'm slightly obsessive compulsive.

- What's your best joke?

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

- What's your biggest fear?

Having my own son, a 20-year-old policeman, knocking on my front door to arrest me for doing something illegal and marching me out in front of our nice neighbours.

- When did you last cry and why?

When my five-year-old son caught me in the nose with an uppercut as he leapt out at me, Cato-style, followed by the bout of hysteria when I opened the bill for the school that's meant to make him a gentle, civilised member of society.

- Who is your hero?

My grandfather - a man for whom was written the homily: You can easily judge the character of a man by the way he treats those who can do nothing for him.

- Name one thing about yourself that few people know.

I wear nothing but a flesh-coloured catsuit when I'm alone at home.

- What's the worst thing about your job?

Forgetting that I'm wearing my flesh-coloured catsuit when I turn up for work on Monday morning.

- What do you see when you look in the mirror?

If it's a Monday morning, a man who appears, at first glance, to be naked and sporting the totally smooth genitals of a Ken doll.

- With which historical figure do you most identify with and why?

Arius, a prominent heretic of early Christianity, who suggested there was a time when Christ hadn't existed. But his religious subversion is not my main point of identification. What I identify with is his cause of death - apparently, he shat out his bowels. Exactly what I thought I was suffering after a ten-course tasting menu at Zaika recently.

- If you had a trained monkey, what would you make it do?

Mate it with our ECD, Jon Burley, and see if I can re-create his partner, Jim Bolton.

- If your office was burning down, what object would you save and why?

Why would I enter a building I'd just set light to?

- Are you happy?

Thanks to my wife and children, never more so.

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