Close-Up: The Hot Seat - Tom Bazeley, Lean Mean Fighting Machine

Name: Tom Bazeley

Job: Managing partner, Lean Mean Fighting Machine

- You've got five hours left before the world explodes. What do you do?

I'd light a barbecue and invite my family, friends and Ronnie Corbett round to drink wine, eat sausages and ward off the inevitable looters with air rifles and pitchforks.

- What's your best joke?

Some people in the office enjoy pointing out that I've started to tell "dad" jokes. So if you don't mind, I'll pass on this question.

- What's your biggest fear?

The internet irreparably breaking would really bugger up our business plan.

- When did you last cry and why?

I cry more through happiness or exhaustion than pain or sorrow. The last time was when my five-year-old son Freddie wrote me a letter when he was staying in Sweden.

- Who is your hero?

Matthew Le Tissier.

- Name one thing about yourself that few people know.

I was asked to appear in a Simply Red video by a street caster. I said: "Do I look like Mick Hucknall's wingman?" They said: "Yes." I said: "Fuck off."

- What's the worst thing about your job?

It is a brilliant way of making a living, especially so when you compare it to other professional services. It is unrelenting, though.

- What do you see when you look in the mirror?

A lucky man-boy.

- Which historical figure do you most identify with and why?

King Arthur.

- If you had a trained monkey, what would you make it do?

I'd get him to talk to my Commuter Friend in the morning, before making him do slapheads on everyone in the office.

- If your office was burning down, what object would you save and why?

I would deliberate between our Cannes Interactive Agency of the Year gong and the disgusting foreign booze collection before coming to my senses, grabbing my five-year archive of to-do lists and making a run for it.

- Are you happy?