CLOSE-UP: Live Issue/Cannes Survival Guide - Four veterans offer advice on how to make it through Cannes

It is that Cannes time of year once again, and to aid those in need, Campaign has asked four festival regulars to share their tips on how to have a successful week, without getting embarrassingly drunk and ruining your career.

Despite the industry having to rein in financially - and the number of attendees estimated to be down by as much as 20 per cent - there is still expected to be a good unofficial turnout, with many a Cannes-virgin stepping out into the Mediterranean sunshine.

So here we have a few words of advice from some Cannes veterans on where to be seen. Take note as to what to expect, and how to handle all those ongoing parties without becoming overwhelmed.

Robert Campbell, the joint executive creative director of RKCR/Y&R

Don't go unless you think you're in with a chance of winning.

Don't forget to fix some key meetings with important people (preferably from America) before you go.

Don't get the helicopter from the airport. It takes longer than a taxi and no-one's impressed.

Don't reveal too much flesh. You are very white compared with the natives.

Don't forget to go to screenings.

Don't go to the dinner after the awards unless you speak Polish.

Don't be fooled into thinking production company totty fancy you.

Don't drink.

Don't go to the Gutter Bar.

Don't hang out with Rooney.

Trevor Beattie, the chairman and executive creative director of TBWA/London

Don't expect to win anything. Unless a) your commercial features a small performing animal, a footballer performing an overhead kick, a man falling from a great height, or b) you're Frank Budgen.

Do realise that you could put your kids through college for the cost of a Vodka and Red Bull at the terrace bar of The Majestic.

Don't assume you're the only person being treated as sub-human slime by the waiters. It happens to us all.

Do visit the Gutter Bar around 4am. It's like a three-dimensional issue of Campaign. Edited by Hieronnymous Bosch.

Leon Jaume, the executive creative director of WCRS

One hundred words on how to survive Cannes? Off hand, I can only think of two: don't go.

But if you insist, there are two myths to beware. The first is that really it's just work - Soho-on-Sea. I'm assuming your job isn't teenage understudy to Emperor Caligula when I say this is dangerous nonsense.

Myth number two is that it's just a holiday. If I ever went on a holiday that left me feeling as Cannes does, I'd be dragging the tour operator though the courts faster than you can say Devil's Island.

Don't go. You won't like it. You won't even remember it. Just say non.

Stephen Gash, the managing director of Stark Films

Route one. Arrive in Cannes late and leave early. Meet elegant people, swan from villa to villa and exchange anecdotes about the noble profession while sipping cocktails. Attend the most exclusive parties.

Route two. Your mission is to hand out and receive more than 3,000 business cards. No duplicates, no Japanese and no editing equipment salesmen.

Route three. Arrive drunk. Your trip revolves around drinking games, vomiting and fist-fights. You wake up on the beach with no watch, wallet or passport. Your pants are also not in evidence. Beg a production company you've never heard of to help you get home.


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