Beattie lent his humour last week to ITV's reality-meets-retail experiment, Wags Boutique. For the uninitiated (and God knows the Diary wishes it could reclaim the half-hour it spent watching the show), the format pits two teams of football's lesser-known spouses and girlfriends against each other as they battle to run the most profitable Soho boutique.
This week's task, for what journalistic convention demands we describe as a "who's who" of footballing glamour, was to create an ad campaign. Enter Beattie to give a few tips on how to go about it.
Countless tantrums later, the girls were ready to present their campaigns to a room packed with what June Sarpong, the show's presenter, described as "top advertising executives". Diary could only spot Beattie's PA in the crowd.
Full marks to the ever-professional Beattie, though, who gamely pretended to like the dogs' dinners the Wags dished up, even going so far as to say they were better than a lot of the posters he'd seen on the way over. Faint praise indeed - the presentation was in the Covent Garden Hotel, yards from the BMB offices.