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Diary: Cannes clears up after adland's week-long bender

The annual festival of hedonism and excess (and seminars, apparently) is over again for another year, but for those of you who missed out on Cannes 2007, Diary has returned relatively unscathed from its tour of duty on the Riviera.

No bash was too big (or small) as Diary braved guard dogs, cursed the queues for the Gutter Bar toilets, and gave burly doormen the slip to observe adland's glitterati at play ...

Obviously the regular parties, from the likes of DDB and Leo Burnett, are important factors in having a good time, but can often be nervous affairs because of the legendary strong-arm tactics of the heavy handed doormen. However, this year, the meatheads were the least of revellers' worries, because a number of bouncers were also armed with bowel-churning four-legged killing machines such as Bull Mastiffs or Rottweilers ...

DDB looks to have lost its best party crown to Leo Burnett, but that didn't stop a mystery woman turning up at the do in the shortest dress of the week, which was white and totally see-through. And just in case enough of her wasn't on display, she didn't bother with knickers either - good work uninhibited woman ...

And well done to BBDO for managing to do the impossible and finding weirder entertainment for this year's party than its fat (un)synchronised swimmers of 2006. Revellers at the Martinez (on a steamy Friday evening) were treated to women in full-length ballgowns playing violins in big plastic bubbles ...

Meanwhile, staff at Lowe Worldwide almost got a bit of extra entertainment they weren't expecting when it became apparent just before its bash for the cream of its network heads that the beach next door was a nudist beach ...

Fallon again demonstrated that while its pool party might be one of the hardest to find, it's also one of the hardest to leave. Witness the sterling performance from the agency's Orange clients, Pippa Dunn and Rachel Macbeth, who left the bash at 9.00am the following morning and jetted straight off to another party at Glastonbury. They're clearly made of sterner stuff than Diary, who left soon after the beer ran out ...

The IPA president, Moray Mac-Lennan, and Fallon's Michael Wall were spotted looking slightly green at a sedate dinner on the Microsoft yacht. However, it wasn't sea-sickness, but envy as the CHI & Partners vessel was moored right next door, with a loud and bawdy soiree hitting full swing. Brian Stewart was then seen fighting the urge to throw canapes from the CHI boat at the Microsoft diners before attempting a daring Pirates of the Caribbean-esque boarding manoeuvre ...

With all this partying going on, there were bound to be some injuries. The funniest happened, unsurprisingly, at the Gutter Bar, when an unknown man knocked himself out while walking at full speed into what he assumed was an open doorway, but actually turned out to be a floor to ceiling pane of glass ...

With this in mind, you would have thought that Getty Images would have had slightly more forethought when erecting its stand outside the Palais. With four entrances, all of which had a strange piece of wood on the floor, numerous people found themselves tripping up and painfully hitting the deck ...

Meanwhile, someone should point out to Jean-Marie Dru that the Colombe d'Or isn't a Little Chef roadside cafe. The TBWA man called in for a quick spot of lunch, on his own, on the way to the airport ...

However, Dru's expensive version of a lasagne for one wasn't a patch on John Wren's outrageous exhibitions of opulence. First, he managed to arrange a private jet (not even his own, but a friend's) for a number of Abbott Mead Vickers BBDO staff who were unable to get their flights changed ...

The Omnicom chief then lost his bank card in an ATM machine when he got his pin number wrong three times. He was attempting to get money out to pay for a meal in a restaurant that didn't accept credit cards and ended up admitting defeat by saying: "I've never had to use it before. I have someone else to do this sort of thing for me" ...

Was anyone watching CNN at 9.30 on Friday morning? Probably not, although if you were up in time, you would have seen an extremely refreshed Johnny Hornby talking incredibly lucidly about the future of advertising. Full marks to the CHI & Partners co-founder: although a late flight from the Far East meant he missed his own drinks party the previous evening, he spent the rest of the night playing catch-up on the Carlton terrace and had only 30 minutes sleep before making his TV appearance ...

This year also seemed to see a rise in the need to scale security fences and gates to gain entry into villas. Not only did Fallon's Juan Cabral find himself climbing into the grounds of his residence, but Ogilvy Advertising's Alex Gulland and Kathryn Parsons, resplendent in dresses and high heels, had to clamber over a ten-foot fence to get in to their accommodation (this was after the pair unsuccessfully attempted to burrow underneath the gate) ...

In possibly one of the strangest meetings ever, Mark Roalfe found himself in his pants in the sea talking to his boss - the head of Young & Rubicam Europe, Massimo Costa. Apparently, Costa wasn't impressed with the creative's suit and told Roalfe they would be conducting the meeting in the sea, just like they do back in his home country of Italy.

- Got a diary story? E-mail us at campaign@haymarket.com or call (020) 8267 4656.

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