DIARY: Cost-cutting at WPP: JWT's Sausage spills the beans on Sorrell

Campaign thought readers might like to see an internal WPP Group

memo from Sir Martin Sorrell to Simon Bolton - courtesy of J. Walter

Thompson's in-house magazine, BBQ Sausage. Suggestions include:

£10 entrance fee: effective immediately, as members of staff at

JWT are not required to pay a daily charge for working here. Swipe cards

will be discontinued; staff will swipe in using Switch, Mastercard,

Visa, Amex. This will automatically deduct the fee from the relevant

bank account. Please note the doormen are not exempt. Cash can now be

used at the kiosk (previously reception) where Mel and Sally now carry

change. This will incur a small handling charge for bureaucracy


Recycle briefs: (you may have already thought of this) use the same

brief with minor alterations for every product and account. You could

further streamline by actually using the same piece of paper over and

over, amending when necessary with Tippex.

Electricity: I understand that one of your number is intent on doing the

"fooking triathlon". He will be supplied with an exercise bike linked to

a generator. He can peddle for electricity - since you people feel that

it is such a necessity.

Whistling Sausage: Convince members of staff that a satirical magazine

for venting spleen is a good idea and that contributions will be free

from reprisals. Then, simply sack all those involved.

Oh, and no pay rises. Ever.