Diary: Hornby makes a boob at IPA's Burns Night bash

Diary can remember when a "do" at the IPA made a Reigate Conservative Club dinner and dance look like a rave. Now word reaches us of Belgrave Square's minted residents being kept awake by whisky-fuelled singing emanating from number 44.

This excuse for a bit of binge drinking was the IPA Burns Night Supper, held every two years as a thank-you to hard-working council members.

It was all a bit overwhelming for Moray MacLennan, the IPA president, who was greeted by a Scottish flag and a bagpiper. "It's bloody Brigadoon," he remarked.

MacLennan soon entered the spirit of things, however, boasting that his underwear was of the finest MacLennan tartan. Didn't know they sold that in M&S, Moray. By the way, did you tell them you were born in Singapore?

The other highlight of the evening: a well-refreshed Johnny Hornby attempting to recite Burns' poem Nature's Law, and confusing "blossom" with "bosom". If Robbie wasn't in his grave, he'd doubtless have died laughing.