’I expect you’re wondering why I’ve called you here today ... I’m afraid to say there’s been a murder.’

’I expect you’re wondering why I’ve called you here today ... I’m

afraid to say there’s been a murder.’

The crew at MediaVest’s annual golfing tournament were a little

surprised when the event shaped up to be more Poirot than Faldo.

Clients and industry luminaries arriving at the Buckinghamshire Golf

Club were stopped in their tracks by police investigating a murder in

the driveway.

It appears police had earlier discovered a dead body in a car. The

victim had been shot in the head, but there was no sign of the gun.

’The weapon is missing, so I can only assume it was murder,’ Media- Vest

managing director Robert Ray said slowly, in his thick Belgian


’A couple of our guests left suspiciously early for ’lunch meetings’,’

he added, with a twiddle of his finely-waxed moustache. ’Definitely


Then again, maybe it was suicide - perhaps he was a media owner involved

in a long and fruitless negotiation with us.’

But our own sleuths are on the scent - it’s just the links-effect.

If you want Ray Kelly, chief executive of Carat, to come to one of your

parties, try to give him advance notice - about 18 months should do


Last year, Granada threw a large launch party for TV3, Granada’s Irish

channel, and all the big noises in the media industry were invited along

to the Dublin bash.

Exactly a year later, Granada Media Sales got a call from Ray Kelly’s

newly appointed PA with a response to the invite. ’Ray Kelly sends

apologies in advance, but he won’t be attending the TV3 party.’

GMS was a bit taken aback, such a response being as out-dated as Noddy

Holder’s kipper tie.

It seems that Kelly’s previous secretary had experienced a few problems

keeping up to speed with the mail - God knows what she was like at the

more complicated tasks - and left mountains of unopened post behind


As Kelly’s new PA is only just tackling letters dating from a year ago,

it may be wiser to correspond with Kelly via phone or e-mail.

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