Car ads. I’m in the market for a car at the moment, being a self-
employed person, well, woman actually, with two spaniels and an ageing
Ford and no nice fat company Mercedes to drive them about in. So, I look
at car ads. The more I see, the more I hate them.
Women make up 40 per cent of the car-buying market, so you’d think the
morons who make these commercials would take account of this, then act
on it and not on their fantasies.
The Peugeot 306 is being blasted at us again. A skinny West Coast woman
and an English man meet in a sleazy underground car park and drive off
to one of my favourite songs, now ruined forever, for a hot encounter on
a beach. Probably in the Pacific. (So the account team can get a good
holiday in.) Turns out she’s the wife. God. Are we supposed to think
Peugeot 306 is sexy or something? Give us a break. We want a sodding
car, not a sex machine. I suppose it’s one better than the ad which uses
a cartoon Cupid.
Then there’s Papa and what’s-her-name. Renault Clio. It’s supposed to be
really popular with the punter. They must pay them to say this. Nobody
can actually like these ghastly people: smirking Papa and insouciant
daughter. Anything Renault is anathema. That man with the wife and her
reunion. Those priests.
Have you ever seen a woman of 25 driving one of these cars? Of course
you haven’t. They’re perfect granny-cars. You only have to look at the
styling to realise it’s your gran’s heart’s desire.
The more I look at these ads, the more I realise they’re just made by
men either to feed male fantasies or to feed whatever they think women
want from a car, seemingly sex, sex and more sex.
We don’t. We want something that will start every morning, that looks
good, that we can bung the kids, the dogs and the shopping into without
thinking where it’s all going to fit. Anyone who doesn’t have kids, dogs
and shopping has a company car, but then that’s another gripe.
Meanwhile, I’m off to look at an Audi, gumboots and Chanel in the middle
of a field. Yes, that’s me. Must have been a woman who thought this up.
And it’ll be at least 12 grand over my original budget. Now that’s
advertising.
Have you got something to rant about? Send your 400 words - no more, no
less, please - to Stefano Hatfield
