DIARY: I’m only a punter but...

Who is it that thinks that, if they show me that ‘new’ Persil gets my clothes a lot cleaner than ‘old’ Persil, I’ll rush out and buy a box?

Who is it that thinks that, if they show me that ‘new’ Persil gets my

clothes a lot cleaner than ‘old’ Persil, I’ll rush out and buy a box?



I have watched Persil ads for most of my life and they have not once

suggested that the current Persil did anything other than wash my

clothes to perfection. It ‘Gets your whites right’, right? Right.

Everybody knows that. And they tell me that new Persil is better than

old Persil.



But, hold on, I’m confused. I don’t recall walking around with chocolate

stains still visible on the front of my ‘clean’ T-shirt. I don’t recall

huge pesto stains spoiling my favourite Levi’s. Have I missed something?

Have stains become tougher over the past year? We’ve developed super

rats and super-viruses but, frankly, I don’t believe in super-stains and

not even that nice Carol Boardingschool from Count-up could persuade me

otherwise.



But it seems the ads try to prove this - they show me the stains that

‘old’ Persil left behind. Er, one question, why weren’t they left behind

last year? Did the advertisers lie last year? Are they cheating now? Do

I need my eyes tested? Was my TV on the blink? Or is it because ‘Persil,

nearly clean - not really clean’ and ‘Persil, so good you have to use it

twice’ wouldn’t claim the high ground?



When, oh when will I be able to buy a powder that will get my whites

really right (to ’95 standards) but still be gentle with my coloureds,

prevent bobbling, have a built-in fabric conditioner, work at 40

degrees, be kind to the environment, get rid of those dreadful odours

that other powders leave behind and come in one of those dinky little

micro boxes? Oh yes, and if my clothes don’t disintegrate after half-a

dozen washes I really would be most grateful.



PS: Should anyone see that nice Jeff Banks while in possession of a can

of oil, do, please, give him a good dousing with it. He’ll (probably) be

only too happy to smile back and say ‘No problem, I can get that out at

40 degrees and still not lose any of the colour, with no bobbling

worries’. If anyone does manage this I promise to refund the cost of the

oil. (Any other ‘charges’ resulting from the action will have to be

faced by the perpetrator.)



Send your rant, in no more than 400 words, to Stefano Hatfield