DIARY: No more work for staff in agencies; they're all addicted to glue game

OK, so it's 2003, and you're all frantically doodling on notepads and making hundreds of calls a day to the AAR, such is your urge to score new business and spawn this year's unforgettable campaign. Well, help is at hand to ease your stress in the form of glue London's version of Mortal Kombat.

Campaign's New-Media Agency of the Year has kindly provided everyone with what can only be described as the perfect executive stress release tool. It's called Heavy Hitters and its mindless violence is likely to offend even the hardest nails in adland's toolbox.

It's simple. You choose from an array of London's finest creative minds and then pitch them in hand-to-hand battle with hilarious results, depending on how fast you can hammer the keys.

The action kicks off in your average creative director's office, progresses to the Cannes seafront and winds up on the stage at the D&AD Awards, all backed by a nauseating soft-rock soundtrack, which is enough to irritate even the most calm of minds and keep them knocking ten bells out of St Luke's Kate Stanners.

And when you're done, you get to see who people most want to smash - step forward the former BMP DDB head, Larry Barker, and WCRS's Leon Jaume.

Diary is now completely addicted to wreaking vengeance on its most loved honchos, and has since discovered what happens to TBWA/London's Trevor Beattie when riled. "His fists started swelling and there was a flash of light on the screen," one terrified staffer whimpered. "After a pause, an enormous yellow Pencil smashed down and crushed the poor bugger fighting him." And who might that have been, then? Limp forward, gingerly, Bates UK's Andrew Cracknell. Ah, enough said.