I hate anti-smokers.

I hate anti-smokers.

Non-smokers are fine, in fact several of my best friends are non-


But anti-smokers tend to be irrational and narrow-minded - like

particularly officious policemen, or snotty referees who stop the game

too often.

My loathing for such characters is born out of persecution, for an anti-

smoker is an evangelical soul constantly searching for a reason to

condemn the smoker.

Their most regular complaint is that smokers are always nipping off for

fag breaks - thus we are apparently ’skivers’ as I was informed only

last week.

However, apart from the proven fact that people work more productively

if they take a break once an hour, a quick survey of any office will

reveal that smokers invariably stay later than the anti-smokers. Anti-

smokers are the types who can’t stop themselves nipping off to the gym

the moment the big hand tells them that 5pm has arrived. So it’s OK to

slope off if you’re going off to prance like a tit in a leotard, but not

to have a chat with someone over a couple of Marlboros.

Many of us in media work in huge corporations, and it is hard to get to

know people outside of your own little team. But smoking transcends

those boundaries, and smokers invariably know a lot more about what is

going on in their companies than their puritanical counterparts.

You know who you are, so why don’t you stop blowing your hot air up my

arse, and I’ll stop blowing mine in your face.