I hate anti-smokers.
Non-smokers are fine, in fact several of my best friends are non-
But anti-smokers tend to be irrational and narrow-minded - like
particularly officious policemen, or snotty referees who stop the game
My loathing for such characters is born out of persecution, for an anti-
smoker is an evangelical soul constantly searching for a reason to
condemn the smoker.
Their most regular complaint is that smokers are always nipping off for
fag breaks - thus we are apparently ’skivers’ as I was informed only
However, apart from the proven fact that people work more productively
if they take a break once an hour, a quick survey of any office will
reveal that smokers invariably stay later than the anti-smokers. Anti-
smokers are the types who can’t stop themselves nipping off to the gym
the moment the big hand tells them that 5pm has arrived. So it’s OK to
slope off if you’re going off to prance like a tit in a leotard, but not
to have a chat with someone over a couple of Marlboros.
Many of us in media work in huge corporations, and it is hard to get to
know people outside of your own little team. But smoking transcends
those boundaries, and smokers invariably know a lot more about what is
going on in their companies than their puritanical counterparts.
You know who you are, so why don’t you stop blowing your hot air up my
arse, and I’ll stop blowing mine in your face.