DIARY: Roberts becomes all loved-up as he thinks of his favourite things

With August proving to be a slow month in adland, why not grab the chance to open your hearts, unlock the heat centres of your sensuality and share the mysteries of your most intimate predilections.

If any of this tripe sounds familiar, it's because the "King of Guff" himself - Saatchi & Saatchi's worldwide chief executive, Kevin Roberts - has decided it's time to wheel out the infamous Saatchi Lovemarks Love 100 survey in a bid to find out what gets the agency's staff going.

Anyone not intimate with their own Lovemarks may wish to know they are "brands that have evolved from a place in the market to the heart of a culture. With the power of love they create lifelong emotional connections."

Er, right. So while Lovemarks are everyday objects (meat pies, credit cards, Battersea Power Station, etc) they are apparently also special totems that have a hold on your heart.

For anyone still confused about what their own personal Lovemarks might be, our Kev has some advice: "Focus on the three heat centres of Lovemarks - mystery, sensuality and intimacy. What is it about your Lovemark that makes your heart soar?"

While the more unkind pundits might suggest that the only thing soaring by this point is the staff's blood pressure, Roberts continues undeterred, inviting all his devotees to add their vote to the Love 100 study - "similar", he says in a clear moment of delusion, "to Business Week's Top 100 Global Brands survey". Yes, those similarities are endless.

Contributions to the Love 100 study so far range from the intensely personal - "The look from your wife when she is happy with life and you" - to the basic: "The Four & Twenty Meat Pie (it's a Downunder thing).

Such crushing revelations aside, perhaps it might be a good idea if everyone just got back to work?

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