Wardrobe nightmare! What is the suave and fashionable advertising executive wearing in Majorca this year? Ask PA to pick out a selection of suitable outfits and FedEx them to villa. Vaguely threatening e-mail from wife: "BlackBerry stays at home, or I do." Slip BlackBerry in side pocket of matching Louis Vuitton luggage.
Saturday 18 August
Agency car arrives at 5.45am to take us to the airport. Luggage overweight at check-in. Jettison my manuscript copy of Powers of Persuasion - the Halcyon Years of British Advertising, a History by Winston Fletcher. Will just have to make Harry Potter last two weeks. Don't think wife buys my excuse as to why, unlike me, she and son have to sit in economy.
Sunday 19 August
Looking forward to bonding with son. Shocked to discover that not only can he talk, but he's at school as well. They grow up quickly, don't they?
Monday 20 August
Mixed reaction to FedExed outfits - would be better were they not being sported by two rival agency chiefs at same resort. Arrange for nanny to look after son so I can spend quality time with rivals. Enjoy lovely eight-hour lunch with much showing off.
Tuesday 21 August
Wife still not speaking to me following upgrade cock-up. BlackBerry PA to arrange for apologetic flowers to be delivered to the room.
Thursday 23 August
PA calls at 5.30am to read Campaign to me. I insist on cover-to-cover version. Forewarned is forearmed. Bugger! Those cynical hacks didn't buy our "we resigned it" story.
Saturday 25 August
Caught by son checking Facebook on BlackBerry. Attempt to buy silence with promise of new Lego set. We eventually agree on PlayStation 3. Admire his keen business streak. He gets it from his dad.
Sunday 26 August
Take car from airport straight to pitch meeting at office. Feels good to be home.