Many people say table tennis - or ping pong as it is known among
GCSE French students - is a game for fat gits who can’t play proper
sport or for spotty kids in youth clubs.
They are wrong. It is a superb game that requires skill, reactions, a
ridiculous serve and a decent-sized room. When played to a high
standard, you also need painfully tight shorts, a T-shirt and, as
evidenced by the one and only great British player Desmond Douglas, a
classic 70s afro.
However, when all is said and done, a medium-sized room will
And when one of these beautiful tables is set up in your pad, your
quality of life will rise immeasurably.
Instead of having to sit through vacuous television programmes (as even
the most sociable media sales person must occasionally do), you can
invite your mates round and play glorious games of ping pong. This
sounds sad but, what the hell, you can even set up leagues and cup
As your skill improves, the sound of the ball hitting the table will
become hypnotic. Suddenly you are in the ’zone’, smashing winners all
over the table in true Douglas fashion.
And if you are crap, at least you can have a lager while playing.
Table tennis table - around pounds 200
Available from various department stores and sports emporia.